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Emily
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Female, 23,
68
- I am Single
- Profile views: 3,872
- Last active: 10/21/08
- www.bebo.com/Emily____Jayne
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What's Your Best Quality?
My result is: Ambitious
Your best quality is ambitious! People like you because you are a determined person. Once you set a goal for yourself you do whatever it takes to achieve it.
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To Write Love On Her Arms. this is a true story.
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.
She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.
On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is ce1 Comment 307 weeks
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Recovery.
Well Killing You May Be
The Only Chance I Have
Of Recovering
I Know Its So Severe
'Cause You Know It Would Be.
The Punishment Fits The Crime.
So Lets Take This Knife.
And Run It Down Your Chest.
Does This Feel Like Love?
Here We Are Waiting.
So Lets Take This Knife.
And Run It Down You r Chest.
Does This Feel Like Love?
The Light Feels Good Against
The Bruises On Your Cheek
Another Battle That You'll Have To Wear This Week.
The Light Feels Good Against
The Bruises On Your Cheek
Another Battle That You'll Have To Wear This Week.
Well Killing Me
Might Be The Only Chance
You Have Of Recovering.
But I Know Its So Severe
Cause you Know It Would Be
The Punishments Fits Your Crime.
You Will Die
We'll Die From Tonight
You Will Die
We'll Die From Tonight
You Will Die
We'll Die From Tonight
You Will Die
I'll Die Alone
2 Comments 316 weeks
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Me, You, and My Medication
Found my way to the highway, I don't wanna tell you the state I'm in
I've had too much to smoke, too much to drink, where have I been?
I feel like the stars are getting closer and the sky is closing in
And I don't know where to begin.
We're all looking for something, to take away the pain.
Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
The way back to the right track, maybe you can help me find the door
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore?
It feels like your body's getting closer but you seem so far away
Medicine make it ok
We're all looking for someone, to take away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
Can you hear it?
Can you hear me screaming?
So can you feel it?
Do you feel it coming down?
You gotta get up
Can you get up off the ground?
I wanna hear it
Wanna hear you breathing
We're all addicted to something, that takes away the pain
Me, and you, and my medication
(Making the best of it)
Love is just a chemical creation
(Will it be permanent?)
Synthetic sensation
Me, you, and my medication.0 Comments 318 weeks
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Howdy (: you okayy!? xox
Good glad ur enjoyin it hun
Ye i can imgine it bein ded diff too bootle! ccoz bootle is just sheep and london is just bulidings and more buildings haha! OMG u go on the tubes! id be well scared haha! and eww thats mining lol! U met plenty of new friends then ye?And wots it like were ya living?ded posh i bet lol 
! i bet u dont have a maid now tho do u lol
u learnt to make a bed yet lmao
?i memba wen u told me that :| eekkk haha! Well av accepeted ya on facebook now anyways hun, so u can get in toich with me both ways.U still have my numba? because al send u it in private mail
u send me urs too (:! Errrmm noppe clockwork orange is about " a lad that is part of a gangmember hu steals and murders people and that, then he goes into a treatment to try and stop him doin bad things, and it all goes rong!" thts basicli it haha! and ginny chose it :|! haha, And nope there isnt anyone called lucy that i knw lol :s haha
! And yeh EGYPT! shes is lv wiv a muslin lmao!WB soon LYXXXX
heya doll
you ok? what uni/ college you at in London? I'm well moving there next sept 
Hope your having fun!! Hannah xxxxxx
OMG emily!! awww glad ur ok
how is london? u like it? is it hectic? and u guna be famous soonish?lol aww thanks hun u beta ad doo lol! well i have feacebook aswel im called "meisha louise tranter" 
lol! Ye college is goin grate this yr am reali enjoyin it! doin the play CLOCKWORKORANGE! its okay (: and all the new stundents are kewl! ermm Yee and kirby is a liar still haha! she thinks she movin to egypt to see her bf :S LMAO
! shes got a job over there apprantly lol! but anyways reply wen u have time huni, and u look after urself! bcoz i cn imagine it bin madness down there! I LOVE YOU! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[15:00:30] Hi there! I noticed that you are in the Panic! At the Disco group and thought you might like to know that avenue7.com is having a contest and they are giving away 2 tickets to watch Fall Out Boy at London Wembley 22nd Oct. The contest is free to enter and you can find more infomation about the contest at avenue7.com I hope you don't mind this mini advertisement, I promise it's a one time thing (not like all those stupid web cam slut that gets posted all over the place!) thanks and wb if you have any questions about the contest!
x
Emily!! You ok dalring? Havnt spoken to u in bloodey ages! How u didderling? U go to london then? W/b wen ever u can..eaven tho u mite not be on here in about a yr knowing u but i dont care! W/B
! Love You Loads and miss You! TAKE CARE! BE SAFE WEAR A CONDOM!
Love Meisha xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Aloha, we really do need to meet up at some point! When's convenient? WB luv u lots XxXxX
Bonjourno my luvly, we havent tlkd in too long! Hows it hangin? wb luv u XxXxXxXxX
edmondo! its been toooooo long! update me, update me! hows the ticket to fame going? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
awww, im sorry! i completley forgot to get back to you! some friend i am! :[ Ive been sooooo busy with revision and coursework and work, i havn't seen anyone! My parents are away till tuesday, so cant get any where this weekend either! forgive me? x x x x x x
Hiiii : ) Sorry i never replied any earlyer! Brother is home from uni and hogs the computer! haha
i didnt eaven realise you were there, wen she sed im emilys mum! i was like "ehhh" :S, i were well confused lol!
! oh wel never mind! i wasnt botherd! we had a very nice chat actuali 
lol! Your ears ok now anyways ?? i loved your ear rings what u had on for ur meal! very nice 
! Anyways... Hows you?? bein up to much?? W/B Love You xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Heya hunni get well soon hun hope ur feelin betta soon college is shite lik usual ILY xx Kirby xx
wooooh ur hair went away! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx
Meee wants ur msn polly
! w/b love youu xxxxxxxxx