Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99...

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked…You're not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
a calculator.

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
a fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.

1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
got your hand or head stuck in something.

2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
on an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Rich Teas should be called one dips as u can only dip them once and they break

Ok, seriously bored!! These are some of the stupid quotes from over the years! not finished yet, if ya have more let me know!!

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Emer: "ya know the way water's wet...??"


Tara: "i got the new Perfect Circle CD"
Sarah: "but i thought all CDs were perfect circles?"
Tara: "huh??"
Sarah: "oh, you mean it has no hole in the middle?!"


Muireann: "eh Lauren, in Ireland we drive on the left of the road!!"


Lauren: "I just own the roads tonight"


Chloe: "Do i have to go to the George now??"


Chloe: "I hope all your knobs fall off!"


Lauren: "I was over the line guys"


Lauren: "She's from James"


Muireann: "My liver hurts..."


Muireann: "remember when we used to be straight?!"
Chloe: "naw man, i was always bent!!"


Random bloke number 1: "Is this a fire station?"
Muireann: "Eh, yeh. Ring that box!"


Random bloke number 2: "Whats your names??"
Roisin: "Thats Nora. Nora Jones."
Muireann: "Yes i am. Nora Jones from Gweedore."


Random bloke number 3: "If i was a girl, i'd wear that dress"


Roisin: "In this group, everyone has a few closets in their skeletons..."


Muireann: "you should never joke and drive..."


Gemma: "The only thing to come out of Wexford is strawberries and knackers!" (said to a guy from Wexford!)


Chloe: "giz a shot of your minge!!"


Random bloke: "but why arent you wearing shoes?!"
Muireann: "princesses dont wear shoes!"


Lauren: "word of warning, sgibluutx..."
Muireann: "eh, what??"


Muireann: "OH MY GOD, THE GUARDS JUST FLASHED ME!!"
Chloe: "are your lights on?"
Muireann: "eh, whoops! again!"


Muireann: "i'm just gonna go rub my head against the wall."


Lauren: "Im gona rape him..."
Muireann: "shhhh he can hear u....he's a sound guy!"


Muireann: "i'm sotally tober!!"


Chloe: "eh, emer, you should seriously move, cos that guy's gonna touch you!"


Lauren: "haha, hey! what are you laughing at?! you're a hooker!!"


Emer: "guys, remember the time we drove over a granny...?!"


Grainne: "she's locked with a capital LH!"