"moo moo, "said the mad man one day.

It was odd for him to say such a thing today. For today was his giant squid death match day and he never dressed up as a mooing squirrel before. But I suppose when mad you do strange things. It was a welcomed break, however, from his usual philosophers costume. We were all tired of his usual theories on fridge openings before he would finally decide to give up and go for the warm coke can instead.

Today was different, of course. Today he was out in the garden collecting nuts for his big match later that morning. Today he was mooing and running up trees. And well we were all watching from the window with popcorn, enjoying the show.

"Right," said Fred. "Got to get a move on and set up the ring for later."

He was quite right. For all the hours wasted on fighting off the weekly invasion of giant robots and thusly saving the world, again, we had quite forgotten to prepare for old maddy mad man's giant squid death match. Any hour now the first giant squid would arrive and mess up the hospital with its irritating ink. And that wouldn't do.

Unfortunately, when we reached the battle room, we discovered Harold the horny cockroach wondering around. So we quickly ate him and moved on.

Finally the room was set up and ready for blood, which we got delivered specially for atmosphere. It was very special blood, found deep in the mines of overthere. Only the best for our patients in this mental home.

Sitting back, we admired our work. Stunning. I had never seen a such a well set up battle ground in all my career as head person in this building. There was only one thing left to do.

"We must test the ring," said I. "It must be ready for the start of the match."

After a long and horrific battle in which we all died, we were finally certain the ring was ready. With our new abilities to walk through walls and fly, we haunted our way back through the hospital to fetch maddy mad man for his big day.

A week or so ago it became christmas in scotmid. Advent calendars, chocolate santa lollies and christmas selection boxes. Now, however, time has moved from jumping forward to december to leaping back to october. It's halloween now.

Yes we've now got the wee costume section up now and you can pretty much guess what old me did when i saw the witches hats. Well simple...I wore one.

Stood at the checkout for an hour and a half (half my short shift) wearing a witches hat. Yes only I would be that bizarre. The reason? Simple: rebellion against my role for the evening. They shove me on main till so I wear a witches hat. Made the customer's happy and well isn't that my job?

Pity I had to take it off later. Seriously considered buying it just for the novelty but the moment had passed. Thus ends my thrilling adventure. Yes I'm a witch and you should probably burn me but hey you won't.

Life's fun when ur on a bus heading for college having done no revision for ur geography nab that morning (already sat geography so u don't actualy need that nab, it's just a matter of pride) and u have out on the seat next to u ten years worth of past papers and a few notes.

U sit there music in ur ears while u try to focus on what's written infront of u. Lack of sleep dries ur eyes as u try to keep them open; fatigue making ur head bow as daydreams make ur mind float away peacefully. The bus judders and u nearly drop ur notes. U pass many years worh of exam answers all of which are exactly the same or nearly. U get off one bus onto another and out go the notes again.

The unit lodged firmly in ur head. All of it. U get to class and the lecturer, trying to be helpful, goes over it all again but in a different way; ur mind now hurts. U don't want to hear it u just want to write it all down while the facts u learnt on the buss still flow through ur head. Nab laid infront of u. It begins.

First question: That wasn't in the assignment. Fuck it move on. Second question: guess it. Those five lines arn't worth ten marks surely. Fuck it again move on. Third question: wat was it the notes said? Oh fuck. Blirt out wat u remember on the paper it will get odd marks at least. Final question: 20 marks; go nuts. Wat it's over? Was that all the time there was? Did u pass? Who gives a shit there's another class next. The adventure continues...

I got 31/50. Pretty neat for learning everything in just one hour on a bus first thing in the morning. Woo!!!!!