So I`m learning to drive. And this, like decrepid grandad driving instructer is taking me for a lesson. He spends like an hour and a quarter talking about the car controls. He`s totally talking to me like I`m a complete moron! :0

" this is the gear stick. It goes forwards and backwards and left and right - like an `H` shape. I`ll show you. Did you get that? I`ll do it again to make sure. Now cu show me how to work the gearstick? That`s good! Well done! Now look at this" -He wiggles his stick in neutral and smiles at me like a creepy old perv in a playground "you see? Can you do that for me?" :0

Then he totally starts to ramble about the gearstick on the first car he ever bought and how it compared to the gearstick on every other car he`s ever owned or ever thought about owning. Then somehow his monologue turns to the subject of a baby sparrow he rescued in his garden! I start to get really pisd - i didn`t pay this guy #48 for the privilidge of hearing him ramble and treat me like an idiot! I get that free at work!

To begin with i nod and smile politely. Then i deliberately just stare at the wheel and then just slowley turn to look at him, like with these wide staring eyes and a gritted-teeth grin like a psyco-killer. I even laugh at his jokes with an insane cackle.

He seems to find this encouraging, and keeps talking. :0

Finally i just stare at my manicure. He finally gets the point and scowles at my rudeness!

We circle Aberdeen beach 3 times. It takes like 15 minutes. Then he gets into the drivers seat and drives me home! :0 I`m just like "i paid for 2 hrs and it`s only been 90min!" We stop outside my home and he asks me when I`d like to schedule my next lesson! :0 In my head I`m like "I`m totally just gonna kill you, you rambling, nearly deceased old pss artist rip-off merchant!" Instead i say I`m not sure driving is for me and politely get out and slam the car door shut.

So why did this old git (can you tell that this experience got to me? ) treat me like this? It`s something that most of my girlfriends have experienced. Why do old male driving instructers just take the ps? They over explain everything and then tell you about their lives. My first driving instructer was an alky that would lean over me to help me with my seat belt and then tell me about all the trouble he was having with his wife! (suffice to say he didn`t last!).

Ok - so I`m looking to book lessons with a new instructer. I just know i sound totally ageist but old farts need not apply! Been there, slept through that. Over to you fab people. Who should i get to teach me to drive?