1. Sniffing your own armpit.

2. Discreetly tickling your own nuts with a pen in your pocket during a meeting.

3. Buying a better dinner than everyone else you are having dinner with.

4. Vomiting and knowing that after this one's done you won't need to be sick anymore.

5. Throwing something into a bin from a distance.

6. Piercing the foil cover on a jar.

7. Getting up early on a Saturday and still doing fuck all, all day.

8. Setting fire to the bottom right-hand corner of something.

9. Kissing the back of a girl's neck.

10. Scratching an itch that's actually up your arsehole without skidding your own jocks.

11. Listening to 'Ace of Spades' on headphones while doing stuff that others don't realise you are doing incredibly cool-ly (eg, buying cabbage)

12. Slapping someone on the slappy bit of their slaphead.

13. Plunging the knife in, over and over again, even after the bastard's clearly already dead.

14. Adding tomato ketchup.

15. Swatting a wasp to death.

16. Draping clean underwear over your face and laughing manically from underneath them.

17. Grating cheese.

18. Imagining that someone somewhere in the nightclub is telling someone else that you're a great dancer and that you have a massive cock.

19. Throwing a soft thing at someone's head.

20. Throwing a hard thing at someone's groin.

21. Inhaling strongly as a very sexy lady walks past you on the street.

22. Pretending to fuck stuff.

23. Drinking some chocolate milkshake, doing a really beaming grin at someone, then forcing the milkshake out through the gaps between your teeth until it dribbles down your chin.

24. Popping into a laundrette and having a quick smell.

25. Holding your breath for ages until you start to hallucinate, then breathing again.

26. Diving spectacularly to catch a ball.

27. Singing popular songs, and replacing the odd lyric with profanities.

28. Shifting your testicles into the other pant-leg, so the pant-leg they usually live in gets a chance for the thigh-sweat to dry out.

29. Twanging a plastic ruler off the side of your desk.

30. Operating an air-horn.

31. Washing your genitals.

32. Putting crisps in your sandwich.

33. Watching a film that has Will Ferrell in it.

34. Letting a bogey go crispy before you pick it out, so it pulls a few nosehairs with it.

35. Getting in the shower with a woman. (not your mum)

36. Doing tequila slammers.

37. Jumping, at full stretch, from one elevated bit of concrete to another elevated bit of concrete.

38. Shitting outdoors.

39. Cleaning out your bellybutton when it hasn't been cleaned out for a while.

40. Revving a car engine as loud as it will go.

41. Pausing mid-sentence to picture yourself having an orgasm.

42. Scratching your arm, finding a scab, then picking it off.

43. Holding his head underwater until you can finally feel his resistance subside, then a little longer until you feel him stop twitching, then a little longer for good measure.

44. Getting young children to say, 'shitfuck.'

45. Doing a piss when your waist high in seawater.

46. Pretending to throw a stick for a dog, but not throwing it, so you see him run off all excited, then look around all confused, then come back to you all sad, unable to understand why you would betray him like that.

47. Stretching your scrotum up over cock so that it looks like a pink hairy beanbag.

48. Blowing as hard as you can down any sort of a wind instrument.

49. Turning the quilt over in the middle of the night, so that it's freezing for a minute or two, then warms up again.

50. Coughing just as your opponent is taking his shot.

51. Leaving the pub early to go home, knowing you have porn in your bag.

52. Kicking the football really hard into an empty net from only two yards out.

53. Dropping something that has a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long way to fall before it h

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*~*PASS THE WEED*~*

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