The computer swallowed my kids
Yes, honestly it's true.
They pressed "control" and "enter"
And disappeared from view.


It devoured them completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
They must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.


I've searched through the recycle bin
and files of every kind:
I've even used the Internet,
but nothing did I find.


In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found "online".


So, if inside your "Inbox",
My kid's you should see,
Please "Copy", "Scan" and "Paste" them
And send them back to me!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.
Cna yuo raed tihs?

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body that it could squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes long. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach can live up to nine days without it's head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Warning: Do not try this at home........ maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the......?!")

The flea can jump up to 350 times its body length. For a human, that would be equivalent to jumping the length of a entire football field. (30 minutes....lucky pig.... Can you imagine 30 minute orgasm??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond or the sea?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life.... quality over quantity!)

Butterflies can taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmmm........ won't go there.)

Right-handed people live, on an average, live nine years longer than left-handed people. (Glad to be right handed.)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing.)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig???)

The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. ( Don't forget Moms )

Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.

If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.