1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Gregg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
1 Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to other passnegers, this is MY personal Space!

Quotes from Leaving Cert Essays:
>
>She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
>
>His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
>underpants in a tumble dryer
>
>Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
>
>The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
>bowling ball wouldn't.
>
>McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag
>filled with vegetable soup.
>
>Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
>centre
>
>The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
>electric fan set on medium.
>
>Her vocabulary was as bad as, kinda' like, sorta, whatever.
>
>He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
>
>The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
>fry them in hot grease
>
>Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
>the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
>having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from
>Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
>
>The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the
>Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
>
>John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
>also never met.
>
>The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin
>sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a
>play.
>
>The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
>
>Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
>one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
>
>Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
>The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this
>plan just might work.
>
>The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
>eating for while.
>
>"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student
> on 50 cent-a-pint night.
>
>He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either,
>but a real duck that was actually lame.Maybe from stepping on a
>landmine or something.
>
>Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can
>tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.
>
>She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
>just before it throws up.
>
>It came down the stairs looking very much like something no-one had
>ever seen before.
>
>The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
>behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
>
>The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
>because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
>surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
>
>It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
>with their power tools.
>
>He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
>if she were a dustcart reversing.
>
>She was as easy as the Independent crossword.
>
>She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
>room-temperature British beef.
>
>Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
>thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
>
>It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
>to the wall.
>
>Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other
>sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down



Finally the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the fema le side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1.. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one


Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both..
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1.. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT< /SPAN> need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We wi ll act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1.. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or

1. You have enough clothes.

1.. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;