1. Wax the ceiling.
2. Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car.
3. Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
4. Repeat above until failure.
5. Rearrange political campaign signs.
6. Sharpen your teeth.
7. Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
8. Braid your dogs hair.
9. Clean and polish your belly button.
10. Water your dog...see if he grows.
11. Wash a tree.
12. Genuflect to Lawrence Welk.
13. Knight yourself and some close friends.
14. Found the Jim Jones' School of Modern Bartending.
15. Flirt with an evergreen.
16. Scare Steven King.
17. Give your cat a mohawk.
18. Purr.
19. Mow your carpet.
20. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
21. Whine
22. Play Pat Boone records backwards.
23. Re-elect Richard Nixon.
24. Dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group...surprise your grandmother.
25. Listen to a painting.
26. Play with matches.
27. Buff your cat.
28. Raise professional racing ferrets.
29. Paint your home...day-glo orange.
30. Dial-a-Prayer and argue.
31. Read Homer in the original Greek.
32. Learn Greek.
33. Change your mind.
34. Change it back.
35. Watch the sun...see if it moves.
36. Mail Jerry Falwell a Hustler magazine.
37. Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster.
38. Paint your windows.
39. Flash your goldfish.
40. Paint.
41. Smile.
42. Paint a smile.
43. Shoot at a fire hydrant.
44. Apologize to it.
45. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
46. Rotate your garden...daily.
47. Plant a shoe.
48. Write letters to the political officials that are representing you, and tell them what a good job they are doing (on 4/1).
49. Sweat.
50. Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.
51. Take apart all your major kitchen appliances.
52. Mix and match the parts.
53. Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
54. Take your sofa for a walk.
55. Write a letter to Plato.
56. Mail it.
57. Start.
58. Stop.
59. Dial 911...breath heavily.
60. Go to a funeral...tell jokes.
61. Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
62. Carry a tune.
63. Drop it to see if it breaks.
64. Starch your shoes.
65. Contemplate a cockroach.
66. Get a dog to chase your car.
67. Let him catch it.
68. Form a political party.
69. Throw a political party.
70. Climb a sidewalk.
71. Ride a loaf of bread.
72. Annoy yourself.
73. Get angry with yourself.
74. Stop speaking to yourself.
75. Kiss and make-up.
76. Stand on your head.
77. Stand on someone else's head.
78. Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire.
79. Read a Harlequine Romance Novel...but only if you're REALLY bored.
80. Build a pyramid.
81. Paint your teeth.
82. Wear a salad.
83. Speak with a forked tongue.
84. MAKE a drive in window at your local bank.
85. Walk on water...but DON'T get caught.
86. Shave a shrub.
87. Have a proton fight.
88. Watch a car rust.
89. Quiver.
90. Confess to a crime that you didn't commit.
91. Learn to type...with your toes.
92. Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
93. Mail it to a friend.
94. Be in the wrong place at the right time.
95. Be someone special.
96. Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.
97. Request covert assistance from the CIA.
98. Factor your social security number.
99. Take the fifth.
100. Take the sixth.
101. Read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages.
102. Join the Foreign Legion.
103. Learn to write Sanskrit.
104. Learn to read Sanskrit.
105. Exist...existentially of course.
106. Search for buried treasure...in Nebraska.
107. Hot wax the bottoms of your brother's dress shoes.
108. Print counterfeit Confederate money.
109. Kick a cabbage.
110. Take a picture.
111. Put it back.
112. Go back to square one.
113. Sand a mushroom.
114. Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.
115. Play solitaire...for cash.
116. Abuse your patio furniture.
117. Run for Pope.
118. If you don't win, run for God.
119. If you still don't win, run for Mayor o

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