A True Alco'z Problemz


SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her
SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made complete arsehole of yourself...

Would You..?


1. give me ur number? if yes wots it?
2. love me?
3. let me kiss u?
4. watch a movie with me?
5. have dinner with me?
6. drive me sumwer?
7. take a shower with me?
8. be my gf/bf?
9. tell me u think im cute?
10. buy me a drink if i didnt have none?
11. take me home for da nite?my huse r ur huse?
12. let me sleep in ur bed?
13. fuck me?
14. re-post dis for me 2 let me answer ur questions?
15. do u think im attractive, beautiful r sexy?
16. do u like my style?
17. do u think im funie?
18. do u care about me?
19. would u dance wit me?

1.wats ur name?.......
2.r we close?.......
3.wat du u tink of me?......
4.du u av a crush on me?.......
5.wud u kiss me?.......
6.wud u fuk me?......
7.describe me n 3 words.....
8.if u had me 4 30mins.wat wud u do?......
9.wat woz ur first impression on me?.....
10.du u stil tink d same?......
11.wat reminds u of me?.......
12.if u cud giv me any ting,wat wud it b?......
13.how wel du u no me?......
14.wat du u lik best about me?.....
15.ever wanted to tel me sumting,but cudnt?.....
16.cud u eva love me?.......
17.giv me a nickname and explain y.......
18.r u gona put dis on my blog and c wat i say bout u?......
19.anyting 2 say b4 u go?.......