1 · we have ABSOLUTELY no idea where our purse is;; && for some reason;; that`s ok

2 · we believe that dancing with our arms overhead;; && wiggling our butts;; while yelling [`WOO `HOO];; is truly the sexiest dance move around

3 · we`ve suddenly decided that we want to kick someone`s ass;; && we honestly believe we could do it too

4 · in our last trip to pee;; we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we started out at;; just 4 hours ago

5 · we drop our 3am submarine sandwich on the floor ;;PICK IT UP;; && continue eating it like its nobody`s business

6 · we start crying && declare to everyone we see;; including people we barely know;; that we love them
[`SOOOO `MUCH]

7 · we get extremely excited && jump up and down every time a new song comes on because
[`OH MY GOD;; `I LOVE THIS SONG!]

8 · we`re suddenly full of profound spiritual wisdom;; && so is the geek next to us

9 · we don`t see anything wrong with making out with ;;profs;; CO-WORKERZ;; boss;;...should they be around

10 · the urge to take off articles of clothing;; get up on the table or bar;; && start to sing or dance;; becomes strangely overwhelming to us

11 · our eyes just won`t seem to stay open by themselves;; so we keep them half closed && think it looks INCREDIBLY sexy

12 · we`ve suddenly taken up smoking && we believe we`re really good at it

13 · we yell at the bartender who we believe has cheated us by giving us
just coke;; but that`s just because we can no longer taste the bourbon

14 · we think we are in bed;; but our pillow feels strangely like the floor;; or like the mop

15 · we start every conversation with a slurred;;
[`Don't take this the wrong way but...]

16 · we fail to notice that the toilet lid is down before we sit on it

17 · our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves

18 · we are tired;; but we are troopers so instead of going home;; we just sit on the floor wherever we are standing && take a quick nap

19 · we begin leaving the buttons open && our zips down on our jeans to cut down on the time we`re in the bathroom;; away from our drink

20 · we take our shoes off because
[`a) they`re ridiculously impractical;; but so beautiful!];;
[`b) we believe it`s the shoes` fault that we can`t walk straight]

21 · no matter what got broken;; thrown up on;; stolen;; no matter who
said what;; or who went home with whoever else;;
[`we ALWAYS call each other the next day]

Had to steal once I found this cracks me up my sides though, compare it to the Maori 1 and u c what u think.............................
 ..............................
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ISLANDER WHEN....


1. Your Mother says that at 25, you're too young to have a boyfriend/ girlfriend.

2. You can sprint barefoot on sharp stones and rocks.

3. You have sat in a 5-seater car with up to 8 other people.

4. You think you're a pro at volleyball.

5. There is an accident and you are the only one laughing.

6. You ask for a dust-pan and you get handed a magazine or a newspaper.

7. All cereals are called 'Gorn Flakes'

8. You call a computer - gomputa, Coke - goke and drugs - trucks.

9. You go to the islands rich and come back poor....

10. You go to the islands with a suitcase full of clothes and come back only with
what your wearing.

11. You have an Aunty with a fully grown moustache and/ or beard.

12. You ask for some gel to put in your hair before you go out and your Mum throws you a bottle of Baby Oil instead.

13. You run into Grandma or Aunty at the Shopping Centre wearing one white and one red sock...with jandals.

14. You've had your hair or ear pulled by your Mother in front of schoolmates at the Shopping Centre.

15. You have a huge feast on Sunday and live on cocoa-rice for the rest of the week...

16. You go to an Island Social and the band members are wearing dark shades even though it's late at night.

17. At any major function "taking a plate home" means your food comes in a tray
that used to hold a 24pack of soft drinks.

18. You bring your palagi friends over to watch "FRIENDS" and just as it starts, your Mum turns the TV off and says, "time for our family prayer.."

19. You have a big velvet picture of The Last Supper in your living room.

20. You run into a mountain of shoes blocking the front door to the house.

21. You've always been given a beating with a rubber jandal but had to go
fetch it first.

22. Being whacked with a leather belt is considered discipline not child abuse.

and the last but not least....
23. You know the difference between all the different types of corned beef!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A MAORI WHEN.....
-You go to the ball with your cousin.
-A nice restaurant is an 'all you can eat' place.
-Someone in your family got pregnant at 15.
-A sleeve is a form of tissue for your nose.
-You have to do dishes more than 3 times a day.
-Your uncles and aunty's taught you to swear when you were 3
-Breakfast is the left over food from last night.
-Your sent to pick watercress for a funeral, 3 o'clock in the morning.
-You organise for a get together at 2 o'clock, and everyone shows up at 5.
-You get a hiding with a jandal/gumboot/chord/spoon
-You can sprint barefoot on sharp rocks.
-You visit cuzzies, and someone's wearing the clothes you left behind last time.
-Australia is your ultimate holiday destination
-You and your cousins sit around, and dis everyone who walks past.
-Your brother is over protective of you, then he beats up his missus.
-You have brothers or sisters with different mothers or fathers.
-You give the longest shout outs on the radio.
-You have 6 people in the back seat of the car.
-You go home after school on a Wednesday, and your parents are having a party.
-In a photo, someone's pulling some kind of gang related hand signal.
-Your mum cuts your hair cos you keep getting kutu's.
-Your at a party, and your aunty turns the stereo off then starts playing the guitar.
-You know all the words to 10 guitars.
-You see someone wearing your shoes that went missing at the marae.
-The words 'ow' 'chur' and 'sweet' are part of your vocabulary.
-you go to school to eat the other kids lunch
-you go to school to watch the teacher teach the other kids
-you give the pakeha kid a hiding for calling you dum
- bullrush was your favourite sport
-You get your pakeha partner to go rent the flat
-you think your tribe is the best in the world
-your dad cuts your hair, gets hoha and leaves the other half for the next day after school!!
-downloading songs is a habit
-your older brother makes you cry and your the one who gets a hiding for crying
-all your marbles are ball bearings and you try to pass them off as steelies
-Hello and goodbye is said by raising your eyebrows.
-you laughed at how the crocodile hunter died.
-your jandals / gumboots are: your running shoes, your work shoes, your flippers and your going out shoes.
-your swimming togs are shorts and t-shirt.
-you do bombs at the public pools where it says no bombing.
-brushing your hair is ... just putting on a beanie.
-your Dad is also your Koro [not in an inbreed way]
-you start driving, smoking and drinking when you are in form one
-you're good at touch
-at least one of your relations is a Coconut
-you cant speak Maori but are fluent when you are drunk
-you laugh at everyone who cant sing
-you laugh at everyone who cant dance
-you laugh at everyone who cant do both at the same time
-your at a party with the guitar and everyone only knows half the words to all the songs you sing
-you've got at least one uncle with a patch
-you go to a party and at least a couple of your relatives are sleeping on the table
-you go to a party in three days time and its still going
-you go to a party and they start passing round da cowboy hat 4 beers
-you go diving with one flipper
-playing the spoons is right up there for percussion to the guitar.
-gumboots, jandals & a swandri are all considered #1's.
-the whanau hangi sacks and baskets get passed down to you
-rotten foods are a delicacy
-you try the whakapapa/tino rangatiratanga line to get into a public event
-you've been in a car with a drunk driver