People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Ohh piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dickhead, I paid £4.00 to come to the cinema and stare at the bloody ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you fucking pulled me over.

When people say "Life is short." Are you fucking stupid?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are you really gonna do something that's longer?

When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Borrow? Humm well to borrow you will return it in the same state at which you found it, therefore why do you want it?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here asshole!

When there are "Severe delays on the ....... Underground Line" What?? How can it be delayed, the trains go round and round?

When people ask you directions and say "I've got a map if it helps" Wait a minute. You read your own fucking map.

Occasionally sombody will ask you if somthing has happened ".... without your knowledge" Good one, without my knowledge huh? Therefore I wouldn't really know would I? dickwad.