I thought I'd share my Eulogy to my mum for friends & family that couldn't be there .........


11 days ago, on the 11th of May at 12.05am, I filled in “The 5 Things That Terrify Me” on The Social Network Facebook, among the 5 were, spiders & heights & #5 was “to die alone & unloved” I never included my biggest fear, as putting it in writing would of meant it was possible & that was to horrific to imagine. Yet 3hrs later I was in the back of a speeding Police Car looming towards the QE2 Hospital, with my biggest fear now a possibility, 18 painful hours after that, my biggest fear became a reality & my beloved mother died.

My only consolation is that, unlike my 5th fear, my mother was not alone & she was much loved & always will be.

It is amazing how some one so small in stature, can leave such a huge unfillable void, now that she has gone, mum wasn’t just my mum, she was my best friend, the centre of my universe, in fact my whole world. There was nothing I was unable to tell my mum, despite the generation gap & the world changing massively since her youth; she was never bigoted or closed-minded, quick to praise but never to criticise. Always complementing your good points & never pointing out your faults, the way the rest of the world just loves to do. In fact you would think she was blind to them, but that’s just because she loved us all unconditionally & when you love unconditionally you love the whole package, the bad as much as the good!!

Mum knew things about my life that even my best friends & siblings don’t know & was always supportive & understanding, when life was tough on me (as it often was) I could always pop round, or call her on the phone & chat about things, knowing we’d end up in hysterics over something at some point, then those tough times would seem more bearable, the chinks in my armour would be resealed & I’d be fit for battle again!

Over the years some of my close friends have told me that I am the strongest woman they know, but that’s only because they didn’t know my mum well enough, as she truly was the strongest, most courageous, woman I have ever known, not in a Loud, Brash, showy, way (that’s more akin to me) but in a quiet, subtle, loving, selfless way.

If I am strong, it is because not only did I have an excellent roll model in mum, but I was also blessed with a double backbone, propping me up through life’s trials, my average spine, plus a 4ft 10” one fused to the 1st with love, making it twice as strong.

Mum left a letter to her daughter-in-law & son-in-law, plus a letter for Julie, Bill & I, in our letter she told us how she had imagined, while carrying us, how we would be & fantasised how we would turn out, and that we had surpassed her expectations & made her very happy & how she hoped she had been as good a mum to us, as we had been children to her.

The fact is if I could of hand picked my mother before being born, I could not of chosen a better mother than her, I told her this, in this years mothers day card, and she seemed delighted, which makes me really pleased that this year, I chose a sentimental card, instead of the usual, jokey type, that I usually send each year. I am also glad that I spent each of my 44yrs with mum at Christmas & saw in 43 New Years with her (even though we laughed at what a Sado Billy no mates that made me look on paper!!) future Christmases & New years will seem quiet without her!!

Mum has always been there for me, during the best & the worst of times, making the best even more joyous & full of laughter & the worst bearable.

It seems odd that I planned to tell her all this on her 80th birthday in August, which would have been, in normal mum fashion, all about us & not all about her, as it should be. But instead I am saying this to all of you, because fate robbed her of her special day, as well as robbing us all of a very special lady.

I recall one day at mums, when she was on one of her dieting fits (in-

I thought I would share with you the beautiful letter my Mum left for my Sister Julie, my Brother Bill & I, for after her death ........ written Jan 1999 15 months after my dad died........

Dear Julie, June & Bill,

I hope it will be a long time before you read this, but it gives me comfort to know that it is done, waiting for you to read one day when I am no longer with you.

I have loved you all each moment of your lives, you have given me more joy, than I can hope to describe, you have all made my life worthwhile.

Before each one of you was born, I use to dream how you would be, and the reality has been so much better than the dream & I am so proud of you all.

Lately I have come to realise there is no separation where love exists, so we will have each other forever, you have given me so much, all I ever hoped for as a mother. On my part, I have tried to do my best for you all, and I hope I didn't make too bad a job of it, and most of the memories you will have of me are good or funny ones.If there is ever a chance that I can still watch over you all, in another place, you can be sure I wont let you down.

I have left £**** plus for the cost of my funeral in a building society book that ***** can cash. Apart from that I have been saving as much as I can in The ****** it is my last gift to be shared by the 3 of you ( that's if I haven't spent it!) Have a nice Holiday, treat yourselves, whatever...... it comes with much love.

I hope you all have Long & Happy lives & that the Hereditary ailments do not affect you too badly & that you have lots of Luck & Love.

Think of me sometimes I love you all so very much.

Goodbye my Darlings

Love Mum X X X

12am Monday May 11th I listed the 5 things I was scared of & #5 was "to die alone & unloved" 3hrs later I was being rushed to the QE2 Hospital Welyn in a police car following an ambulance, & 18hrs later my Biggest fear happened & My Mum Died unexpectedly!!..... thankfully She was not alone & she was more loved than she could ever imagine, it is hard to imagine a woman so tiny could leave a void in my life so immense that it can never be filled, but though my heart is shattered into shards smaller than sand, .........I feel blessed that I was lucky enough to have a mother who was so perfect , that I if I could of chosen one b4 I was born I couldn't off bettered .... I love you mum with all my heart & you live on in me until my dying day and you will be missed like you could never know!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mums Funeral Organised, 1.30pm at St Luke's, St Albans, on Friday 22nd May, still doesn't seem real ( if only it wasn't !!).....The Funeral Tea is going to be in The Cocktail lounge of Sopwell House & will comprise of Afternoon Tea.