A is for... Attention Seekers
Those people who are constantly screaming when they see anyone they recognise. Then proceed to run over and hug them. Please don't touch me. I don't like you.

B is for... Bottled Water
So you're in town on a Saturday, you're hung-over from the night before and you're not long after a greasy fry up. Needless to say you're dehydrated. You hit Woolworths for a 500ml bottle of Deep RiverRock, and you're stung for 80p. It's a bottle of fucking water, not Jesus Christ's pancreatic fluid.

C is for... Cameron Diaz
I honestly don't know what it is. Something about that woman just pukes me. But I'm sure that once you get past her terrible acting and the fact that she actually spent time with Justin Timberlake when she didn't have to... she's a lovely person.

D is for... Daytime Television
David Dickinson, Neighbours, Loose Women, Dr. Phil... Basically everything designed to sicken the soul.

E is for... E-Tabs
Have you people ever actually looked at yourselves when you're on those things? You look like extras from One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest.

F is for... Fast Food Advertisements
Why is it that the brand new, reasonably priced KFC family bucket advert pops onto our screens when we're starving and skint?

G is for... Gay guys
Not all of them. And I'm not going to lie and say that I have loads of gay friends, because I don't. I've got like one. It's just those ones who think they can be as rude to you as they like because they know you won't do anything about it. And why won't you do anything about it? "He hit me because I'm gay!” Ever notice those same people have more friends than you've had clean socks? I don’t understand it either.

H is for... Harry Hill
He is not, nor will he ever be funny. If he was as hilarious as some people think he is, he wouldn't be doing You've Been Framed. Then again I suppose the same people who find him funny are the same people who can watch an old woman falling at a wedding and a small child falling off a swing 40,000 times and still give themselves a brain haemorrhage from laughing hysterically.

I is for... Ignorance
Basically about half of the Oak bar staff. If you want to get served in there I suggest you shave your head, wear a football top and start enjoying dance music immediately. Well actually it wouldn’t be very hard to get served there now… given the fact that they don’t have any customers.

J is for... Julian Simmons
You know that UTV presenter? I can’t believe that “man” is still alive. Oh my God your exaggerated Belfast accent is so hilarious! That doubled with your blinding orange pudgy face gives me 100% confidence that you’ll be hosting the Oscars some time very soon.

K is for... Katie Holmes
Batman Begins was a potential masterpiece, until she got her greasy Scientologist paws on the Rachel Dawes role. At least now she gets to sit at home and get bullied by that pint sized grin with shoes Mr. Tom Cruise.

L is for... Long Boring Stories
You know when someone’s talking to you about their day, and you just don’t give a rat’s ass? Yes, I’m sure when you gave Simon or whatever the fuck his name is one sugar instead of two in his tea it was side splitting. Now shut up and move away from the TV. Julian Simmons is on.

M is for... McDonalds
Can I have some burger meat with my grease please? They do a nice chocolate milkshake though.

N is for... Nickelback
“Never made it as a Wiseman”. No fucking shit Sherlock, but with that beard and hair you could play one in a nativity play. Then that way you’d have a whole new group of 20 or 30 people who actually enjoy listening to you.

O is for... Orlando Bloom
You don’t get much more wooden than this man. At least when big Hollywood directors are looking for someone to put in their next big budget blockbuster alongside the likes of Johnn

Hayden Christensen... The guy that George Lucas chose to play Anakin Skywalker, one of the most famous fictional characters of all time. Maybe he reminded him of himself... retarded.

Arnold Schwarzenegger... Enough said

Madonna... Painful to watch. Her cameo in Die Another Day was some of the worst acting I've ever seen. As if that film wasn't bad enough.

Pamela Anderson... Just goes to show how far a big pair of fake tits can get you.

Every single pornstar... Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Orlando Bloom... I want him dead. More wooden than Keanu Reeves and Wesley Snipes combined.

Paris Hilton... The part in House of Wax when she gets killed almost made that film a worthwhile watch... almost.

Daniel Radcliffe... Ruins every Harry Potter movie. And he looks like Gollum when he has those glasses off.

The High School Musical cast... I caught about 30 seconds of this when one of my cousin was watching it. They all need executed.

Chad Michael Murray... "I know that you're hurting now more than ever and I don't want to make that worse but I need to tell you something. I lied to you about my heart condition. I have HCM. I need you. I need you now more than ever." Holy fuck how do so many people watch One Tree Hill?