You know how some people say that they never knew what they had until they lost it... Or they took something for granted until it was gone. Well that’s how I feel. My Grandma Ramona died last night at 3:00 in the afternoon. She was only 66 years old. I never realized how much I her took for granted until she died. Now I think back to all those times that I could have got in my car and driven across town.. and I didn't do it. I didn't want to. My grandma LOVED to tell stories.. as a matter of fact, she lived to tell stories. Stories of when she was drag racing, or when she was playing softball, or some joke from the past she wanted to share with her grandkids.

I feel like I missed out on the wonderful memories that I could have had with her. My heart aches when I think of those times that I felt as if it were a chore to spend time with her.. and I wish I could have realized that I wouldn’t have another chance to be with her.

My grandmother suffered from a horrible debilitating illness called Multiple Sclerosis. For as long as I can remember she has been in a wheel chair. She gradually got worse over the years but she never let it effect how she treated others.. Even some of her last spoken words were a joke to make those who were so worried about her feel better. One of the times I was at her bedside, she was hit by a bout of pain and when it passed she looked over at me and smiled and said, "Now, Don’t your feel sorry for me?" then she laughed. The last thing she did say to me though is what I keep thinking about. It makes me wonder what she was thinking about when she told me this. I walked over to her bed side and I said, "Goodnight Grandma, I’ll come by tomorrow to visit with you." and she kissed me on the cheek and whispered, "Okay honey, I promise I’ll try to be awake when you come."
When she said that it made me feel like she was more worried about her loved ones being upset then she was with her own situation.

There is one thing for sure.. my grandma passed away, with such grace and love that I never knew someone in such a desperate situation could have. She always told us, "When I die, I want my whole family there, and I want there to be lots of crying." loll.. well she got it. She is someone who is truly worthy of being a role model. She was faithful to the end and I still am holding her to her word, next time I see her she will be awake, she will be walking and telling stories, and we will play softball; her, her sisters, her children, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren together.

Love
By: Kelsey Olsen

I love a man,
This man I love has a name;
His name is tenderness,
His name is serenity.

This man that I adore,
is a gentleman;
The gentleman, a knight,
Adorned with shinning armor is he.

The armor is my love for him,
The brilliance, my respect;
Together with Jehovah,
This makes the bond secure.

Two cords, when woven is strong,
Three chords, are tougher yet;
Jehovah is the third chord,
Together, my man and I make it three.

"How fortunate I am," I say,
To have this gentleman for life;
Soon a union we shall make,
Two circlets shall make us one.

"I do's" will be stated,
Vows repeated;
A prayer given,
The promise, sealed with a kiss.

I love a man,
This man I love has a name;
His name is sincerity, support,
For forever and to all eternity,

I promise to love you,
My pillar of strength;
My light in the dark,
My future husband...
Levi

_____________________________
Yeah needless to say im not a poet,
but who cares sometimes it's nice to pretend you are.

Do you ever feel like you are no longer in control? Like you want to say one thing and the next thing you know what you are saying is all mixed up; it's not quite what you meant to say. You no longer find joy in anything, and everything seems a little unreal, seems mechanical. Food isn’t as satisfying, entertainment isn't as enjoyable, and friends seem more like people you had once known but now feel distanced from. You either analyze everything to death, or you don’t notice a single detail...

I wish I knew why everyone was always so happy. Why people are content with how their lives are going...

Well some things are too good to be true. The people who I watch and envy so much probably feel the same way, wonder the same thoughts. In a odd way thinking that makes things seem a little easier to handle. Makes it feel like I'm not the only one...