Great Comebacks


Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut.


Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: There's no need to get on your knees and suck on my c&^% just yet


Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my
car, I don't give a shit where you go.



Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: That explains the moustache then!



(CLASSIC!!!!)
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your arse.



Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is
impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.



Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I'd rather eat glass.
Man: I think you mis-heard me. I said you look fat in those pants.



Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.
Man: Just as well cos I've been shagging your mum while your dad watches.



Man: You're pretty
Woman: Piss off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat bitch

GOOD LAUGH
I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

• (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

• Nice legs...what time do they open?

• Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

• You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

• I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

• I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

• Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

• I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

• Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

• I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

• Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?

• You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

• Are those real?

• You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

• I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

• If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

• I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

• You know if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

• You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

• F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

• Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

• My name is (name)... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

• Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

• Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

• My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute. "

• Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

• My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

• I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

• I've lost my phone number, can I have yours?

• If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

• Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?

• Baby, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.

• Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

• Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them