Tommy Tiernan
Tommy Tiernan is one of those comics whose profile just doesn't match up to his talent.

He may have won the Perrier in 1998, but it was his runner-up, Peter Kay, who got the comedy cream. While the Phoenix Nights star can fill vast theatres many times over, Tiernan remains something of an undiscovered gem in Britain, no matter what exposure he may have received from his stint hosting BBC1's Stand-Up Show and his Channel 4 sitcom Small Potatoes.

No doubt the aim of this current tour, which culminates in a run at the Edinburgh Fringe in August, is to bring his image in Britain closer to the status he enjoys in his native Ireland, where he is something of a stand-up superstar. Just a week before this low-key gig in front of a small, reserved but appreciative Home Counties audience, Tiernan was storming sweaty, packed-out rooms in Kilkenny's Cat Laughs Comedy Festival, performing to 'his' people.

In fact, he seems equally at home with both audiences, able to employ the cheeky quick-witted banter demanded by the baying mobs, yet backed with sharp, intelligent material to satisfy those wanting something meatier in their comedy.

Take his routine about his schooldays. It's material that doesn't entirely shy away from the usual 'Anyone remember Spangles?' brand of easy nostalgia, but he uses that to provides a backbone of guaranteed laughs around which to explore more incisive themes about the loss of childish imagination and the onset of conformity.

Tiernan is also expert at making a strength of his failings. He admits to being a depressive, comparing his life to that of a morose whale skulking in the lower reaches of the ocean, only to surface for one moment of glory ­ a gig - before returning to the murky depths from where he came. Only he makes this analogy funny.

His is a lyrical, almost literary form of stand-up, full of sparkling allusions and incisive metaphors, with even the most mundane of observations decorated with poetic flourish.

He also plays up his shambolic manner, employing the sort of delivery that makes his material feel loose, spontaneous, ill-thought-out, even. Yet it's a subtle illusion, as miraculously he manages to hit every sharply-written line bang on the nose.

The scatterbrained style has other advantages. Like a jazz musician, the words that he doesn't say are as important as the ones he does. The analogies that deliberately dissipate into nothingness and the obvious silences after a monologue fails to climax in anything even vaguely resembling a punchline provide natural breaks in his patter into which laugher instinctively falls.

But lest you think this show is all too clever-clever, its cornerstone routine is little more than Tiernan repeatedly saying 'up the bum' in the sort of cod French accent that would be thrown out of Allo Allo for being just too affected. Still, it is very funny - and the tale has a fantastically memorable ending.

The only shame is that all this wonderful material doesn't gel into a coherent show. The big ideas brought up are too often left hanging, in need of some inspired ending or theme to tie all the threads together.

Instead, Tiernan distracts himself by embarking on conversations with the audience. He's competent enough at this two-way banter, but it seems pretty flyaway compared to the weighty issues tackled so deftly earlier in the show.

While this tour is unlikely to give Tiernan anything like Peter Kay's pulling power, it will reaffirm his considerable talents, further endear him to his existing, loyal fans, and, hopefully, attract some new ones along the way

1. Ask if you can get a pizza with just crust, no toppings.
2. Call a delivery-only pizza store and insist on "dining in."
3. Using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
4. Make up a credit card name. Ask if they accept it. Cheer if they say yes.
5. Use CB lingo where applicable.
6. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
7. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
8. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
9. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
10. Answer their questions with questions.
11. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
12. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
13. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from any Metallica CD.
14. Don't name the toppings you want - spell them out.
15. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
16. Stutter on the letter "p."
17. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. Order "The Edge" from Little Caesar's or a "Cheeser! Cheeser!" from Domino's)
18. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
19. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
20. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
21. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
22. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
23. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
24. Change your accent every three seconds.
25. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
26. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
27. Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
28. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99 please pull up to the first window."
29. Try to rent a pizza.
30. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
31. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
32. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
33. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
34. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
35. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak.
36. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
37. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
38. Imitate the order taker's voice.
39. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
40. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
41. Play a sitar in the background.
42. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
43. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
44. Ask to see a menu.
45. Quote Gandhi.
46. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
47. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
48. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
49. Belch directly into the mouthpiece then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
50. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
51. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
52. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
53. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
54. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
55. Order two toppings,