1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan?? Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.

2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.

3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.

4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.

6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories – pure class!

7. Ye measure distance in minutes.

8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, inyer ain family.

9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.

10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.

11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.

12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.

13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.

14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.

16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.

17. Ye ken irn-bru is a hangover cure.

18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.

19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals.

20. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard these words...

>> >>>how's it hingin
>> >>>clatty
>> >>>boggin
>> >>>cludgie
>> >>>pished
>> >>>wee
>> >>>beasties
>> >>>amurny
>> >>>awa an bile yer heid
>> >>>peely-wally
>> >>>humphey backit
>> >>>Ba'-heid
>> >>>baw bag
>> >>>dubble nuggit
>> >>>Fit lyk min bam???

Q: Have you ever kissed anyone in ur top 16?
Apart from the missus - not yet.. but i no wallace wanted to before on nights out

Q: Whats your least favourite thing about number 14?
She has to be right... and most of time probably is lol

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9?
Quavers

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4?
Sunday at stenhousemuir

Q: Is number 7 pretty?
i suppose i should say yes but in her profile pic im not sure...

Q: What was your first impression of number 8?
Lunatic

Q: What do you like most about number 5?
The fact he can match me drink for drink - most of the time

Q: How did you meet 3?
Our mothers forced us upon one another at a young age

Q: Do you think 12 would kill someone?
Nah too nice for that.

Q: Is 11 your best friend?
Nah i dont even know him

Q. How long have you known number 6?
Too long!

Q: Have you seen 9 naked?
Nope. and if i had im sure it would be an image i wouldnt want to forget lol

Q: Do you think 4 has a crush on you?
I would hope not

Q: If you could give anything to number 7 what would it be?
Some advice before the wedding - RUN while you still can

Q: Would number 2 and number 6 make a good couple?
whatever takes their fancy..

Q: If number 16 was a crayon, what colour would she/he be?
Pink

Q: Have you ever slept in the same bed as 7?
Not intentionally lol

Q: When's the next time you'll see 3?
sunday

Q: Are you real close to 13?
Nah he's a nutter

Q: Have you ever kissed number 10?
Nah - she smells

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 12?
Nope - she has strange taste in films

Q: Whats number 16's house like?
No idea but i would imagine its pretty girly

Q: Have you ever been angry with 2?
Most days lol

Q: Would you ever make a move on 11?
Em no

Q: What do you and number 4 talk about the most?
Breasts. Fine subject matter

Q: What do u think of number 1?
A lot. she's my wee sis - altho she's away round the world AGAIN!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolleys when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

3 . Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 10
at Pharmacy" ... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on hold.

6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and
ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you
pick your nose.

10. While handling knives in the kitchen ware department ask the clerk
if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme
from Mission Impossible.

12. In the car accessory department practice your Madonna look using
different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout,
"PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the foetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loudly...."Hey! We're out of
toilet paper in here!"

16. Go into the Butchers Department and start rubbing steaks up and
down on your face saying " oooohhhh that feels so good"

17. Go to the fruit and veg department - get two bananas' and put one in each pocket - walk around the store calling everyone pilgrim in your best
John Wayne accent sporadically whipping them out of you pocket - making gun
noises and then slumping to the floor as if you've just taken several
bullets to the chest.

18. Grab some ladies knickers in the lingerie section and rub then up
and down on your face whilst moaning " ooohhhh Mother, oooohhhh Mother I
miss you"

19. Bring your own DVD, popcorn, sweets, drinks and nibbles and pick a
nice spot on the floor in the electrical section. Sit cross legged and enjoy the film.

20. Take boneless chicken breast out of the packet and throw them sky ward whilst screaming" fly my little ones, fly and be free"