"Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan."
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

• "Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey"
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

• "Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram"
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

• "Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar"
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart.

• "Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban"
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

• "Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande"
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life.

• "Balli, Balli, Balli"
Whatever you say.

• "Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti"
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

• "Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma."
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
(Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then--when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "F*ck you" and grab the other girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm she up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the parties dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet...kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things...like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "No, shes not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile...then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what Im talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. She'll say "No, its just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream "Stop crying you f*cking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

22. Titty twisters...and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Two words...Dutch oven.

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three leading candidates.

Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
martinis a day.

Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no
peeking, then scroll down for the answer.







Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.


And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes,
you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging
someone. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember:

Amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic