I just can't stop thinking about things I have done and the way things used to be, like the people I lived with and the people we hung out with and what we did. I think its because I am moving away from yet another set of amazing people, and with this I am finding that I will miss them as much as I have missed the others I have lived with and am now away from. I try and look ahead, but its so hard when I have had such a good time in the past and all I can see in the future is darkness. And the number one thing I am going to miss is haveing these people around in the way they are now, it won't be like that at my mom's, it can't be, and then even when I do move out of my mom's I will probably have drifted away from these people and its gonna suck, thats why moving out of this town is sounding so good, but I love this town and the people here and theres not much I don't like about Carstairs, but I do imagine that another place could be as amazing as here, or better, but thinking about moving out of this town almost brings a tear to my eye, it makes me sad to think that the only way to be happy is to move away from everything I will miss so much. But on a positive note, I am not thinking that the only way to change is to end what I have, I have thought in the past that the only way to excape my feelings is to end my life, but now I just think of ways in which I can change it for the better. I noticed I have very few views on this page, meaning that nobody looks at this page, and I know there is a slim chance somebody might be reaading this, and just incase you are reading this, and I have had you in my life, and by this I mean more then just seeing you on the street, I mean you have talked to me and hung out with me more then 4 times then there is a good chance I miss you and I would tell you if I could, but since I can't , I just want to let everyone know how much I care about the people I have or have had in my life, sometimes I dont like it to be known that I do care, but I do, and I miss so many people that I have had in my life, and I am feeling as if I dont want to meet new people because at some point they wil not be around anymore and if they are awsome then its gonna suck and I hate theis feeling of missing people,, number one person I am missing right now was the greatest person I ever had in my life and I never even noticed till she was gone and I just wish i could have shown her more appericiation, well the people that are in her life now better be treating her well and be so happy they are in her life, because there is so few people that are that great, I dont wanna mention names , as much as I should so then you know who I'm talking about, but I will leave that to your imagination, but for now I am still waiting patiently for the next amazing girl to come in to my life an make me as happy as I was once before. :>

So I was wanting to write in my blog and then I realized that the only time I want to write anything in my blogs is when I am feeling way low and super sad, maybe it is the way I feel all the time, but I can't seem to ever be in a good mood and want to write my good thoughts I have, I just want to come on here and complain about everything that is bringing me down,, I just want to be better in touch with the people around me, I always have a hard time "fitting in" in any situation I find my self, the only place that I don't feel out of place is my room and at work, I sometimes don't like being in my room because theres people at my house and I should be with them and not "hiding" in my room, I really don't like change,, but I sure hope to fuck that life gets better ond of these days

Fuck I hate this fucken life,, There is a lot on my mind right now, the number one thing that is needed to be said is I can't believe Kenny is gone, it seems like just yesterday he was here and like tomorrow he will be right back, but I know that aint true and it hurts so much inside and I can't handle this shit, it is so fucken hard to lose some one that great and I know I have been depressed and I am finind it very hard to have depression and to lose a friend all at the same time, it seemed like life couldn't get any worst and then I hear of the death of a good buddy and it just isn't right, I really did think life was supposed to be fun and filled with adventures and now all I am having is a whole lot of heart aches and I want it to stop