Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of Tyrone players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Tyrone fan in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do you have when 100 ARMAGH fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do ARMAGH fans use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ARMAGH fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the ARMAGH fan - twice.

Q. How many Tyrone players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. Peter just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q. Why do Derry fans plant potatoes round the edge of their gardens?
A. So they have something to lift at the end of the season

Q. How many Derry fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None -they're quite happy living in the shadows

Q. 4 Tyrone fans drive off a cliff in a car! wots so bad?
A. U can fit 5 in a car.

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in South ARMAGH trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a ARMAGH fan too.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are ARMAGH Fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not an ARMAGH fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not an ARMAGH fan then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a DOWN fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, are you a DOWN fan?" "Because my Mum and Dad are from DOWN, and my mum is a DOWN fan and my dad is a DOWN fan, so I'm a DOWN fan too!" "Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a DOWN fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled,
"I'd be a ARMAGH fan."

>1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at the weekend will be
teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing your drains on Monday
morning. The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning
about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his
personalised brand of leisure wear.

>2) GAA nicknames are better. Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

>3) Armagh vs Down is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to
Ronaldo or Sibierski

>4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer
eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does
it

>5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA players go to the
pub

>6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

>7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery
results

> All soccer players are complete strangers from different parts of the world. GAA players play with people they grew up with.

>9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

>10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

>11) Soccer players play for the £50,000+ a week they get. GAA players play for their own passion and satisfaction and get £0.

>12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of
Carlow

>13) As soon as a crap 3rd division soccer team gets promoted into the big leagues, the team that got them promoted is scrapped aside and sold and a totally new team is brought in. When a GAA club gets promoted the only thing that changes is the amount of craic which goes up.

>14) It's more probable that you pay £45 for a scoreless soccer draw instead of paying 7 euro for a tense, skillful GAA game with over twenty scores.

>15) Roman Abramovich can buy the League. But you can't buy Sam!!!