This is fun to do. Just read the 'offence' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offence' and added up your total fine. When you are done post this as: "My fine is £..."
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.


Smoked pot -- £10

Did acid -- £5

Ever had sex at church -- £25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- £40

Had sex with someone on MySpace -- £25

Had sex for money -- £100

Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- £20

Vandalized something -- £20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- £10

Beat up someone -- £20

Been jumped -- £10

Cross dressed -- £10

Given money to stripper -- £25

Been in love with a stripper -- £20

Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- £0.10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- £15

Ever drive and drank -- £20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- £50

Used toys while having sex -- £30

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- £20

Went skinny dipping -- £5

Had sex in a pool -- £20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- £10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- £20

Cheated on your significant other -- £10

Masturbated -- £10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- £20

Done oral -- £5

Got oral -- £5

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- £25

Stole something -- £10

Had sex with someone in jail -- £25

Made a nasty home video -- £15

Had a threesome -- £50

Had sex in the wild -- £20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex --£25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- £20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- £20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- £25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- £50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- £25

Went streaking -- £5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- £15

Been arrested -- £5

Spent time in jail -- £15

Peed in the pool -- £0.50

Played spin the bottle -- £5

Done something you regret -- £20

Had sex with your best friend -- £20

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- £25

Had anal sex -- £80

Lied to your mate -- £5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- £25

Tally it up and title it: "My Fine Is..." copy and paste, then repost as a new bulletin

001: Name - David JAMES McFadyen
002. Nickname - Many things, all generally surrounding my last name, or different food products. Some less scathing than others but all equally annoying. And Dave
003. Single or taken - Taken
004. Zodiac Sign - Pisces
005. Male or Female- Male.
006. School: Invergordon Academy. Beautiful place (thats irony by the way)
007. iPod - yup. Awesome piece of machinery. Well actually it is rubbish, i hate ipods, i just have one because it is my only option because me, like so many fools, went and downloaded Itunes and screwed up any chance of using a proper mp3 player.
008. How many buddies on your list: I hit the 100 mark the other day.
009. Screenname: Dave8001
010. Hair Color- Brown, though some people like to tell me its black. Then i remind them that they are going out with me so should pay more attention!
012. Hair Long or Short - Short. Though it was long. Very long.
014. Eye Color - Blue
015. Are you health freak: Nah.
016. Height - 5'9
017. Do you have a crush on someone - other than my girlfriend...no
018. Do you like yourself - Usually.
019. Braces? - Like old men braces or child who has eaten too much chocolate and drank too much coke braces?
020. Think your awesome? Aye
021. Piercings -It would hurt - so no!
022. Tattoo - see number 21
023. Righty or Lefty - Lefty!



* YOUR FIRSTS *
025. First piercing - Got None. Tinnitus
026. First best friend - Oh so many!
027 First award- Honestly: And this is no joke...I have never received any award ever, at all, in my life. Not even the attendance award at school. i was totally cut up about that, because i had attended a whole year without having one day off. People who had up to 5 days off got one AND I NEVER. My Registration teacher's response was "Well you must have been off"!
028. First pet -A Budgie, he died in a cup of tea!
030. First vacation - Haggerston. My mum was chased by wild chickens!
031. First Concert - Travis (also my last concert...i have been to see them a few times)
032. First love - Lucy Brooks


* YOUR FAVOURITES *
033. Movie - Back To The Future
034. Favorite tv show - The X Files
35. Color - Red
036. Music - Decent Brit Pop - Like Elvis Costello
039. Drink - Coke or Tennents
040. Body part not on the face (on a boy/girl): Butt!
041. Sport To Play - golf
042. Favorite piece of clothing - Blue Tank-Top
043. Brand Of Clothing? - I don't go for brands, i go for a look
044. What do you sleep with? - At the moment "Monkey" and "Bubbles"
045. Favorite School - Marxism - thats a great school of thought.
046. Favorite Animal(s) - I want a Pig as a pet. i have even named my prospective Pig that i will have as a pet when i have money - her name will be Bernadette. She will be Pink, and she will be awesome!
047. Favorite Books - Terry Pratchett.
048. Favorite Magazines - Don't have one anymore, since Q and the NME stopped actually reviewing music and started kissing corporate arse!


* CURRENTLY *
049. I'm eating - My words
050. I'm drinking - My dignity
052. I'm about to - Head Home and get dinner
053. Listening to - the tapping of keys as i write this sentence - or scott mills, whatever is less weird!
055. Waiting For - Amanda to hurry up!
056. Watching - thats a bit of a daft question. Because obviously i am watching the screen. If i wasn't watching the screen i could be writing any old rubbish, and that just would not do!
057. Wearing - Nothing. I am in the library at Uni by the way!

* YOUR FUTURE *
058. Want Kids? - Yeah Dyllan James McFadyen. and Hannah (Insert) McFadyen
059. Want to Get Married? - Do i WANT to get married? No! Would I get married if the right Girl asked me...? No! (only kidding)
060. Careers in Mind: MacDonalds


* WHICH IS BETTER ON OPPOSITE SEX *
068. Lips or Eyes - Eyes
069. Hugs or Kisses - Depends on the Person
070. Shorter or Taller - Depends on the person
072. Romantic, Spontaneous or larma - Dep

So, the song Bohemian Rhapsody...Overrated, i know. However the song Ned Rhapsody done to the same tune...could be the next number one? To note this is a song about Neds, not about people from Glasgow - any references to people from that area are purely coincidental.


Is this the real life? Is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine like meeeee
Um just a weegie, gie us yer Buckie
Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer da, slash yer dug, ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really mater tae me.....tae me.

Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
An noo the f**kin' b**stards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee...
Haw Maw, oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse
But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, Carry oot!
An we'll go oot on the batter!

Too late, the bailiff's here
Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw, oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam I sometimes think I've never been washed at all

I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us a kergo?
Thunderbird, White Lightening, very very frightening to me!
Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair,
Twenty Mayfair and some skins
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a radge boy, nae body loves me
He's just a radge boy fae a radge family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae f*ck, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For f*cksake NO
I will not get a job
Get a job
For f*cksake I will not get a job
Get a job,
Will not get a job
Get a job
Will not get a job
no no no no no.....

Oh gonorrheoea! gonnorrhoea! gonnorhoea and the clap!
Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me?
For me, for meeee!

So you hink ye can slash me and pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
F*ck all really matters, anyone can see
F*ck all really matters.....
F*ck all really matter tae meeeeeee