John Mac Kenna's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

John Mac Kenna an hear silence.

John Mac Kenna counted to infinity - twice.

John Mac Kenna sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, John roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you can see John Mac Kenna, he can see you. If you can't see John Mac Kenna you may be only seconds away from death.

The Dinosaurs looked at John Mac Kenna the wrong way once. ONCE.

The chief export of John Mac Kenna is pain.

John Mac Kenna doesn't need Viagra, he just thinks of .
John Mac Kenna
John Mac Kenna has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not
John Mac Kenna

John Mac Kenna died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Someone once tried to tell John Mac Kenna that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Every time John Mac Kenna smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, John Mac Kenna only smiles after he kills someone.

John Mac Kenna frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

John Mac Kenna ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

John Mac Kenna does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

John Mac Kenna lost his virginity before his dad did.

John Mac Kenna can touch MC Hammer.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. John Mac Kenna smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity John Mac Kenna can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Superman owns a pair of John Mac Kenna pajamas.

Before he forgot a gift for John Mac Kenna, Santa Claus was real.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to John Mac Kenna and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

John Mac Kenna action figure has slept with more women then most men.

John Mac Kennas hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

A recent poll discovered 93% of women think about Chuck Norris during sex. A similar poll discovered Chuck Norris thinks about Chuck Norris 100% of the time during sex.

Chuck Norris invented the spoon because using knives to kill people was just too easy.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

Wilt Chamberlin claims to of slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

A man was once stranded on the side of the road after his car ran out of gas. Chuck Norris drove by, got out, and looked the man in the eye. The man knew that everything would be fine. Then Ch

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Ceann bodin - Dickhead
Bualadh craicinn - Fucking (lit. skin-hitting)
Streachailt leathair - Fucking (lit. leather stretching)
Cíoch - Tit
Póg mo thóin - Kiss my ass
Focal leat - Fuck off (lit. word with you)
Dún do bheal - Shut your mouth
Imigh sa diabhal - Away to the devil
Cailleach - Old hag, witch
Is dócha nach bhfuil seans ar bith ann? - I suppose a ride is out of the question?
Go dtachta an diabhal thú - May the devil choke you
Múchadh is bá ort - Smothering and drowning on you
Loscadh is dó ort - Scorching and burning on you
Damnú ort - Damnation on you
Do chorp don diabhal - Your body to the devil
D'anam don diabhal - Your soul to the devil
Go mbeire an diabhal leis thú - May the devil take you with him
Téigh i dtigh diabhail - Go in the devil's house
Marbhfháisc ort - A shroud on you
Feisigh do thoin fein - Fuck your own ass
Striapach - Whore
Bitseach - Bitch
Feis ort - Fuck off
Cac - Shit
Cac bó - Cow shit
Cac capaill - Horse shit
Cac ar oineach - Scumbag, scoundrel (lit. shit on honor)
Mórán cainte ar bheagán cúise - Gossip (lit. Much talk on little cause)
Imeacht gan teacht ort - May you leave without returning
Titim gan éirí ort - May you fall without rising
Plá ar do theach - A plague on your house
Go n-ithe na péisteoga thú - May the worms eat you
Téigh trasna ort féin - Go fuck yourself
Damnú ort - Goddamn you
Díul mó bhod - Suck my dick
Tá tú glan as do mheabhair - You're crazy
Go hIfreann leat! - To hell with you!
Diúl mo bhod - Suck my dick
Bí i do thost - Shut up!
Is cuma liom sa diabhal - I don't give a damn
Bod - Dick
Ní mórán thú! - You're worthless!
Báltaí - Pussy
Bastún - Bastard
Tuilli - Bastard
Ag fein truaillaithe - Wanking (lit. self polluting)
Ciach ort - Damn you
Go stróice an diabhal thú - May the Devil tear you
Go n-ithe an cat thú, is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat - May the cat eat you, and may the devil eat the cat
Go lagaí galar tógálach do chroí - May an infectious disease weaken your heart
Go mbeadh cosa gloine agat agus go mbrise an ghloine - May you have glass legs and may the glass break