1. The First Rule of the Men's Room is, you do not talk about the Men's Room. What goes on in there, stays in there. It is also advisable that any bodily substances produced in there, stay in there as well.
2. The Second Rule of the Men's Room is, you do not talk about the men's room.
3. When using urinals, do not use the urinal immediately adjecent to one in use unless it is the only available one, and only after checking all toilet stalls. This rule may be disregarded if there is a substantial barrier dividing each urinal, but it is important to show reluctance even when taking advantage of this feature.
4. Stare Directly at the wall. Maintaining eye contact only with the wall, and avoiding all contact between others using the room is vitally important.
5. Pretend to wash your hands. Run them briskly through the water so it appears you have some basic understanding of hygiene (see also lies).
6. Pretend to dry your hands. In order to minimize time spent inside, make a quick show of drying your hands. Only stay long enough to prevent drips. If no paper towels or blow-dryer is available, wiping your hands on your pants is allowable. It is not advised to use others pants, as you may soon be seeing the floor or ceiling. At this time, it is advised to seek medial attention,
7. Always bring a newspaper, book or magazine to the toilet. Rustling around with reading material is important, since it shows your fellow Men's Room users that you're alive and doing okay. In addition, if you accidentally let out an excessive groan, you can claim that you were reading something by Jeffrey Archer.
8. Dispose of reading material before you leave. Attempt to flush it down the toilet so that it causes the toilet to clog for the next user of said toilet. It's not your problem, so don't worry! (See douchebag)
9. Never check to see if a stall is occupied. Someone may be struggling with his bowel movement, and pushing on a partially closed door or looking around the bottom of the stall for a sign of occupancy is distracting. If it cannot be immediately determined that a stall is not occupied, assume it is.
10. If, God forbid, someone were to break one of these rules, under no circumstances should you confront him about it. Instead, relate the events in a horrified tone of voice later to your friends. Maybe the guy who did wash his hands has a skin condition. Maybe the guy who kept his newspaper found a classified ad that describes the woman of his dreams. It is an insult to a man's manliness to suggest that he does not have a good reason to violate Men's Room Etiquette, and a fight may ensue. This is perhaps the most important rule of all, and the only acceptable exception to the First Rule.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

A day that is celebrated as a semi-holiday. This takes different meanings for different people of different statuses. One thing everyone can agree on is this is National Sex Day, although many people abstain on this day above all others because the thought that not only you, but 100 billion other people all across the land are engaging in obligatory sexual relations with their significant other is, frankly, a big turn-off.

Married people: The woman becomes more demanding and the man's symptoms of blue balls border on fatal.
Required item: candy.
Dating people: This holiday, more commonly referred to as "Steak and BJ Day", is the day of rest and hot sex.
Required item: condom.
Internet geeks: Many leave their computer and busy themselves with activities to forget the day (such as music, drinking, cutting, suicide). Usually ends in tears and third degree burns to hands and phallus.
Required item: counseling.
Emo Kids: Wander around mopey, write bad poetry, and generally act as the Internet geeks above.
Required item: Dashboard Confessional album
Singles: Singles usually take this time to reflect on their lives and decide not to care about the day, just to have fun. They wake up nine hours later in the bed of a strange man.
Required item: alcohol.
Stalkers: Usually are found hunting ex-girlfriends and sometimes new prey. Often they will break into homes dressed as Ninjas, or film women from trees.
Valentine's Day was started by a Christian priest named Saint Valentine, who got in trouble with the Emperor Maximian for advocating the replacement of the Lupercalia, a popular Pagan holiday celebrating sex with Valentine's Day, a Christian holiday where the Man grovels to the Woman and tries to bribe her for sex between Church services, made more difficult for the ritual by sermons against sex in any form. This idea pissed off the Emperor and his womanizing son Maxentius, leading to the only persecution of a Christian in the West during Maximian's reign.
In memory of Maximian and Maxentius, all Pagans meet in secret on the Lupercalia to sacrifice captured Christian virgins to Hercules. This policy is mandated by the Order of Maximian, a Pagan secret society dedicated to the return of the old Gods and the restoration of the Roman Empire. The OM's most notorious member was Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan, whose real goal was to make San Francisco the New Rome. Its present leader is rumored to be Bill Maher, who will become the next Roman Emperor and Pontifex Maximus. The OM controls the Democratic Party and used the Protestant Reformation to weaken Christianity.

Love Poetry
Written by The Shakesbeatles in the year 21894, this classic love poem has inspired geeks everwhere to get off their computers and find a three-dimensional non-digital woman to spend Valentine's Day with.[edit]See Also:
Chairman Mao
Lust
The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse