Against my family request the paper wrote an artice bout my mum death so there u go all the rumers u have made up on what u thought happened well now u no that article gives u an insite into my life nd how it was but it no where near cum close 2 what happened nd what we all been through nd 2 have r family the topic of converstaion again is not sumthin we need

i dnt understand y this town talks bout people so much after my break up with jezz alot came out certian people have judged me by wat jezz has said it which case you should all re think cos you have not been told all the facts nd one day wen im ready i will nd u will all rethink the way u have treated me im no angel nd i will never denie the fact that i can b a bitch but i am really strugling at the moment nd i cnt cope i wnt my mum bck nd everythin the way it was nd i hate every1 who has got in the way every1 who has taken away what nd who i need if u all new what ive lost nd how much im hurtin then mayb u would give me a break

and again i would ask u 2 talk 2 me bout what u think u no im actually quite and honest person nd dnt have anything 2 hide so stop talkin bout me behind my bck cos i always find out nd if u think ur doin sumthin shady nd i dnt no bout that then u r very wrong the thing bout this town is there r eyes everywhere trust no1!

ok see im off on holiday 2day so i thought i would clear up all he rumors goin round since certain people have had a lot 2 say recently
Nass
yes i did tell jezz he couldnt have his tickets cos he hadnt paid nd always it 2 like 2 weeks longer 2 get money of geroge then wat he promised so wen ur out of pocket nearly 200 quid i would like 2 see how u feel
and as for nass we did all have a really gd time and no i not goin out wit george but yes we have been spendin alot of time 2gether that ok? well if not get over it cos u dnt no all the facts nd trust me if u did then u wouldnt be talkin bout me behind my bck
nd yes im not stupid i no wat jezz is up 2 nd has doen nd wen things happend wen we was 2gether i did no so yes mayb i am a mug for stickin round or as alot of u r sayin a bitch but mayb if u took 2mins 2 actually get 2 no me rather then judge a situation that u no very lil abpout
cos trust me all wat u hear is no where near wat is goin on so take the time nd listen 2 both side of the story before u make ur mind up
hope thats cleared a few things up anything else y do ask me instead of talkin bout me behind my bck cos it wil get u no where
now if it aright wit u im off on my holiday nd just for reference i dnt wanna get bck wit jezz i actually just wanna see him happy if thats alright wit all of u

Some people mite think it pointless writing on here i doubt any1 reads it no1 ever leads feed back but at least i no that its there nd it might explain y i am the way i am or let other people no how i feeling i dunno maybe certain people think im just doing it for attention, who else would rite about there mum death on the internet but it was my way or lettin people no what has happened with out me actually having to talk to any1
On Thursday it will be a month since it happened nd if im honest it just getting harder I didn’t believe it as first even wen i saw the police outside the house it just felt like i was in sum kind of film like it wasnt happening to me, being hushed in through the back door into a silent room not bein allowed to leave and just hearing what was goin on in the rest of the house just hoping it wasnt real or that they could fix it but they couldnt it was 2 late the damage had been done, so instead of being allowed try cry the neighbours text my mum askin wat was goin on friends text sayin say it not you after all what else does a private ambulance mean other then death i got so angry with every1 what made it there business no1 but the people in my house knew what had happened not even my family yet people where already gossiping how dare they!
Just made me realise how much i wanted to tell my family before any1 else does but how do you tell sum1 over the phone how do u explain a situation you dnt really understand yourself .
Most of mums family lives all round the world so it had to be done by the phone but i couldn’t tell my granddad how do u tell him his daughter is dead when he was ment to out live her thankfully my cus was on hand nd as always she was there for me in though she was thousands of miles away, she wnt with my auntie to tell him i dnt no how they did it i dnt think i could have. There was still loads of people to tell my sister was in London and i wnted her bck straight away thanks to lauren getting to her i was able to tell her myself what had happened although it was the hardest convo i have ever had
It seemed liked the police where here for ever they prob where to be honest time just felt like it didn’t exsited. Jezz sat outside he said he couldn’t cum in i just wnted a cuddle so bad i just wnted all my family together. Soon family start ringing every one wanted to cum round of fly in but there was no point police wouldn’t let them in and dad couldn’t deal with them right now, i will never understand what it must have been like for him nd now he was alone left to bring up three girls who no longer had a mum
Since it was bank holiday weekend nothing could be done our lives just stop for 4 days no plans could be made we didn’t wnt to go out and we didn’t wnt to be alone, sum family started cumin down it was all to much for me i was angry at them and at my self how did we let this happen? Why didn’t we help her more? In all honestly what else could we do family fight nothing is ever gonna change that but i guess you should never leave things on a bad word i’ll def be tryin not 2 from now on
The word had got round now cards flowers call texts had all started cumming through as did the rumours about what had happended why any1 would want to gossip about it i will never understand but i hope they relaise how much harder they made it for us.
We were finally able to start planning the funeral the hardest thing in the world to do what do you say at a funeral or put in the paper? I guess its true you right from the heart poems just started cumin from no where i guess it was my way of helping it was all i could do
Soon the day came 2nd april the most horrible day of my life 4 0’clock came and so did the people half of which i didn’t no mum had such a big family we hadn’t met most of them and then i looked out side the road was lined with cars and people there in support it was nice havin all my family in one place, the car turned up full with flowers they whe