1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it..... too f***ing right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look"... Of course it is.... Why the f*** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?"... No, tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short"...What the f***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f***ing does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks ''Is that nice?'' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well in that case I'll f***ing have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f***ing McTosser.

14. When you're involved in an accident and someone asks ''ooooh are you alright?'' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

1.Hu r u ?
2. R we friends ?
3. Wen n how did we meet ?
4. Do u have a crush on me ?
5. Wud u kiss me ?
6. Giv me a nickname n tell me y u chose it ?
7. Describe me in 3 word ?
8. Wat woz ur 1st impression of me ?
9. Do u still think the same ?
10. Wat reminds u of me ?
11. If u cud give me anythin wat wud it be ?
12. How well do u no me ?
13. Wen woz the last tym u saw me ?
14. Eva wnted 2 tell me summet bt u cudnt ?
15. R u goin pt this on ur blog n c wat i put bout u ?
16. And finally tell me our most memorable moment 2getha (if we av 1)

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."