Physics doesn't exist, its all gnomes

Type: Common Interest - Science

Description: We believe that all the main physics principles can be explained away by the existence of tiny gnomes.

Electricity:
Inside cables there are hundreds of tiny gnomes 'high-fiving' each other and running around swapping messages. This transfer of messages allows things to work, e.g. the gnomes in a plug socket tell the gnomes in the wire, who eventually tell the gnomes in (say) a kettle to fart in the water allowing it to boil.

Computers:
Computers are run by tiny gnomes. They do all the work sat at tiny desks inside your PC. When you turn it off they can all go home and have a rest before they are needed again. The screen is in fact an arrangement of gnomes wearing different colour hats.

Atoms:
Atoms are infact miniscule gnomes, all holding hands and feet etc together to form an intricate web from which nearly everything in this universe is comprised of. Radioactivity occurs when a rebel gnome is catapaulted by his freinds from their structure. Should this gnome come into contact with the gnomes from our body, he will offer them beer, thus making the local area benign or 'cancerous'.

States:
A solid is a closely compacted arrangement of gnomes, all holding hands, hats and legs. Heating (see Energy) causes the gnomes to becoming exited (or 'tickled'). This means they start to lose a grip on their neighbours; thus becoming a liquid. When the gnomes become tickled 'pink' they just can no longer hold on and float away (in groups upwards of one) becoming a 'Gas'.

Gravity:
As we are all well aware gnomes like the ground. They all strive to be in the ground, and this is where the basic theory for gravity comes from. Gnomes throw tiny (obviously unseen to the human eye) ropes to the ground. These ropes attach to unseen hooks allowing the gnomes to pull themsleves towards the ground. There is minimal gravity away from bodies (e.g. in space) because very few gnomes have long enough ropes. All bodies have a gravitional attraction to each other because gnomes are sociable creatures and enjoy large gatherings.

Light:
If you think about it, its quite obvious really. The gnomes that make up our eyes can see what colour other gnomes making up, say a table, are wearing. They then hi-five gnomes in our 'optical nerve' who run to tell the brain gnomes what has been seen. This makes us think we are seeing things when infact it is all gnomes.

Anti-matter:
Now this is a little more complicated. There are evil gnomes. These make up anti-matter. Done.

Energy:
All types of energy are trasferred through gnomes. Heat is just gnomes rubbing other gnomes. Potential energy is when gnomes dont want to be seperated (see 'Gravity'). Kinetic energy is the movement of gnomes. Energy is allways conserved so fundamental gnomes (see below) are only ever transfered and never made or destroyed.

Gnomes:
So what are gnomes made up of themselves? They are surely not fundamental? They are comprised of billions of even smaller gnomes. These smaller gnomes are known as 'Super-gnomes'. Super-gnomes are made up of billions of even smaller gnomes known as 'Hyper-Gnomes'. Hyper-gnomes are the fundamental building block of everything.


Now that we have covered the basics of gnome theory we are going to discuss and 'explain away' certain physical phenomena.

Aurora Borealis/Australis (Northern/Southern Lights):
Having seen the principles concerning light in gnome theory this northern spectacle can now be explained. Gnomes become blind when they stay too long with the gnomes in the sun (because their clothing is really bright). They thus tend to get lost when the sun gnomes let go of them. Some of these blind gnomes accidently attach their ropes to earth, and are thus pulled towards it (see Gravity). When they reach the gnomes in the upper 'atmosphere' of the earth they realise that they're not the only gnomes in the universe and so have a tiny par

Husband:
Wife:
Superman:
Supergirl:
Mummy: Georgie
Sister:
Brother:
Best friend:
Care Bear:
My Bitch: Seb
Randomer: Adman!
Loser Kid:
Cool Kid:
Disney Princess: Gracie
BabyDoll:
Playmate:
Cutieface:
Drunken Bum:
Power Ranger:
DrinK Supplyer:
Mister Fagface:
Ninja: Cecil
Person who holdS my hand:
Gangsta: Madge
Sexface: Cecil
Chav:
DinosawR:
My Clever Kid: Rachel
My Egg Friend: lauren

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I must be dreaming

WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE?
I like to move it move it

WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU?
Dancing through life

WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU?
Out tonight

WHAT DO YOUR EXES THINK OF YOU?
Lithium

HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
Hello again

HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE?
Good enough

WILL YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not coming home

ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL?
Beer vs Pot

WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE?
One Day more

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When you’re good to mama

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Blessed be your name

THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE:
Imaginary

YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE:
Rhyme and reason

HAPPY TIMES:
455 rocket

SAD TIMES:
stay

EVERY DAY:
One Last Shot

FOR TOMORROW:
Away from Me

FOR YOU:
For the One

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME:
My Kind of Town

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD?
I know things now

WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING?
Everybody Needs Somebody

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER?
Rock This Party

YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING?
Pot should be mandatory

HOW WILL I DIE?
Lose Control

THE SONG THAT YOU'LL PUT AS YOUR SUBJECT?
Finale