All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.

Toot de la fruit

[PHOEBE]: Oh my god! Something just brushed up against my right leg! [MONICA]: What is it? [PHOEBE]: Oh, oh. It's OK! It was just my left leg.

I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!!

Hey Ringworm, are you going to pick up that butt, or am I going to stick it to my boot and kick it up your big fat pimpley a-hooole?

Aye, fight and you may die, run and you'll live, At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!

Am I ginger?

Two guys are talking and one says to the other: 'What would you do if the end of the world was in 3 minutes time?' The other one says, 'I'd sh*g everything that moved...What would you do?' And he says, 'I'd stand perfectly still.'

Before you judge a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes, because then you're a mile away from him and you have his shoes

Q: Name something you put in your coffee?
[Joey] A spoon, your hands... YOUR FACE!

[Ross] Pivot... pivot... PIVOT!!!
[Chandler] Shut up, shut up ,SHUT UP!!

And some fucking diddy donuts! WHOOP WHOOP

Mum!! Get a spoon quick! Me biscuits fallin' in me brew!.. Hurry up it's sinking! ARGHH BASTARD! Burning me fingers!...

Spider pig spider pig does whatever a spider pig does! Can he swing from a web? No he can't, 'cause he's a pig. LOOK OUT! Here comes the spider pig!

Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree!

I like men now

Its what the Japanese call Unagi.

We were on a break!

[Ted] And whats a Buckland?
[Dr Cox] A predomenantly hairless growth never found on women.
[Ted] Weird
[Dr Cox] It's your last name, Ted.