Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana.
Jack got high and dropped his fly and said do you wanna?
Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun.
Silly Jill forget her pill and now they have a son.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*** him, He's only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's arse
and turned it's wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.

Weird questions

If you try to fail and succeed, what have
you done?

How is it one careless match can start a
forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?

Why is the time when the traffic is slowest
called rush-hour?

What's the speed of dark?

If physics can predict lottery numbers,
why are they still working?

If you run backwards will you gain weight?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to
buy her friends?

What happens when you get scared
half-to-death twice?

Can a blind person feel blue?

How can a house burn up when it burns
down?

Are you telling the truth when you lie in
bed?

If your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a
bad thing?

How do you know when a Smurf
suffocates?

Despite the cost of living, why does it
remain so popular?

If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how
would you know?

In Chinese why are the words for crisis
and opportunity the same?

Why does X stand for a kiss?

Why does O stand for a hug?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

How does skating on thin ice get you into
hot water?

Why are they called stands when there
made for sitting?

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make
the unexpected expected?

When cheese gets its picture taken what
does it say?

Why are they called non-stick pans? Is
there a law saying your not allowed to put
sticks in them?

Why are a wise-man and a wise-guy
opposites?

If work is so terrific how come they have
to pay you to do it?

Should crematoriums give discounts for
those who died in fires?

Is it possible to have a civil-war?

1. Touch her waist.
2. Talk to her.
3. Share secrets.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her places.
10. Let her be with you when you're with your friends.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say they love her more than you, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
16. Always hug her and say you love her when you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around her waist.
19. Tell her she is beautiful, not sexy.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
21. Kiss her on the lips.
22. Don't ask her to buy you stuff. You buy her stuff.
23. Tell her what feels good.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Buy her stuff. Even small things count.
26. Don't LIE to her.
27. Don't CHEAT on her.
28. Take her anywhere she wants.
29. Message her in the morning and tell her to have a good day at school/work and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, and even though she doesn't need you be there so she'll know that she can always count on you.
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone, hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose, it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her.
34. While at the movies, put your arm around her. She will then automatically put her head on your shoulder. Then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. When she complains that her neck/shoulder hurts, massage it for her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart. Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other, grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.