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funny dictionary
Bombay roll - like a sausage roll but with tits instead of pastry and a cock instead of a sausage. And it costs 25 quid instead of 30p.

Budgie's tongue - Descriptive of the female erectile bit.

Blue veined hooligan - a six-inch tall, one eyed skin-head.

Chuff muncher - a woman in comfortable shoes.

Cider visor - beer goggled for the younger street drinker.

Cliterature - one handed reading matter.

Cough your filthy yoghurt - a romantic expression for ejecualtion.

Do a Southampton - to score and stay up when you really haven't got it in you.

Drown some kittens - To pass a litter of small turds.

Excalibur - A magic turd of legendary proportions that rises eerily out of the water of a mist shrouded toilet.

fanny-nosher - A woman in comfortable shoes who takes the other bus to dine at the Y. A tennis fan.

feeding the pony - One handed groping of a lady's toothless gibon.

five pinter - an ugly bird who you'd only chat up after 5 pints.

fizzy gravy - rusty water, diahorrea.

free the tadpoles - to have a tug.

genie rub - to buff up a skin lantern until you are granted three sticky wishes.

greyhound - a very short skirt (ie "one inch from the hare")

haddock pastie - beef curtains

hand-to-gland combat - a three minute one man bout of gladitorial combat involving a spam javelin.

ham-on-ham - the delightful sight of two young ladies going at it hammer and tongues.

hang your hole - to moon

harbour-master - one who has pilotted a few tugboats in his time.

jelly jewellery - the earings, nose-studs, fancy spectacle and other facial adornments a woman sometimes receives when her partner had intended to give her a pearl necklace.

left handed batsman - someone who prefers his balls delivered from the pavillion end.

left-handed website - an internet website which causes visitors to use their mouse with the left hand.

loose-lips - affectionate term for a woman has has been cocked more times than Davy Crockett's rifle.

Mexican lipstick - the embarrasing facial tide marks found after eating out with a lady who is up on blocks.

night watchman - a turd that has failed to flush away, not discovered until the next morning.

pace car - the slow un-aerodynamic leading turd that once out of the way, allows the fast, souped up bastards behind it to put their foot down.

pensioners leg - a thin, knobbly, veiny penis.

pie-liner - a Femidom

quim chin - (also muff-mouth, cunty chops) a bearder man eg. "Did you see Noel Edmunds on telly last night. The supind quim-chin." release the chocolate hostage - to Liberate a "Richard the Third" after his imprisonment in your back porch.

sixty-eight - oral sex given on the understanding that the favour will be returned ("Ere, give us a sixty eight, and I'll owe you one")

split the beard - part the whiskers, shag a bird.

starfish trooper - an "arsetronaught"

thick repeater - a large-bore semi-automatic, single barrel mutton musket.

treading water - light strumming on the banjo in order to keep ones interest up during the dull plot bits in a grumbleflick.

thunderbird - a fat woman

tubby chaser - a man who thinks thunderbirds are go.

turkey - the cracker you think you have pulled at the office christmas party, who turn out to be a tough old bird who only gets stuffed once a year.

up on blocks - a woman with a monthly MOTT failure due to a recurring leak under the beetle bonnet.

wizard's sleeve - A particularly capacious sausage wallet. As in "I can''t feel a thing in here. You must have a fanny like a wizard's sleeve."

wobbly landing - Trying when drunk to maneover your underinflated zipper zeppelin into your bird's hairy hanger.

1998 1998

Beer scooter - Miraculous method of transport employed when leaving the pub after drinking large amounts of beer. So called due to the 'lost time' effect when returning home seemingly in no time and in incredible velocity

Coilius i

1) WHO R U?
2) ARE WE FRIENDS?
3) WHEN & HOW DID WE MEET?
4) DO U AVE A CRUSH ON ME?
5) WOULD U KISS ME?
6) GIVE ME A NIKNAME & EXPLAIN WHY?
7) DESCRIBE ME IN 1 WORD?
8 ) WOT WAS UR FIRST IMPRESSION OF ME & WHY?
9) DO U STILLTHINK DA SAME?
10) WOT REMINDS U OF ME?
11) IF U COULD GIV ME ANYTHING WOT WOULD IT BE?
12) HOW WELL DO U KNOW ME?
13) WHEN WAS DA LAST TIME U SAW ME?
14) EVER WANTED 2 TELL ME SUMTHING BUT COULDNT?
15) WOULD U F**K ME?
16) DO U THINK I LIVE UP 2 MY NAME?

1.Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. wud u ever wnt to kill me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11.. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18.R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19.Anything 2 say b4 u go?