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6/23/08 | me too! | Reply

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  • my dog sex

    Peter Smyth by Peter Smyth
    Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand. … I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.” When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

    When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”

    One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show off.

    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”

    Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” — My case comes up next Thursday.

    Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend
    so get yourself a dog.”
    0 Replies 213 weeks
  • Merry Fuckin' Christmas!

    Stewie by Stewie
    T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
    Everyone felt shitty, including the mouse!

    Mum at the whorehouse, Dad smoking Grass,
    I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

    When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter,
    I sprung from my peice to see what was the matter.

    Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
    I know in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

    He came down the chimney, like a bat out of hell,
    I knew in a moment that the fucker had fell.

    He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer,
    And a big rubber dick for my brother, The Queer.

    He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
    The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.

    He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
    Piss on you all and have a hell of a night.
    0 Replies 242 weeks

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  • DimiFour
    luv DimiFour

    read it its worth it :L :L :L A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is!” My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!” ahahahahahhahahahha :L

  • In Diana Jones
    In Diana Jones

    Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?....Stephen Hawking after a house fire

  • luv Callum Brazil

    there waz 10 pencils in a pencil case which 1 made d pearer pregnant? d 1 wit no rubber ha

  • Mini - M
    Mini - M

    theres a cow a horse nd a sheep in bed cow: MOO-ve over horse: NAE bother *sheep gets pushed out bed and says*... BAA-sterdes :D

  • Lornaa

    a panda walks inta a bar and asked for a sandwhich. He gets his sandwhich and eats it . He then gets up and pulls out a gun. He shouts one of the fellas in the bar. The bar women asks him what did he do that for? He says look up my definition in the dictionary and then he left.. She looked up 'panda' and it said..: Panda (noun). Eats shoots & leaves :P

  • In Diana Jones 4/25/10
  • Keilo

    de man who walks into the airport sideways is going to bangkok:D

  • 'Beckyy'

    Q .. Why can't the blonde make ice cubes? A .. She lost the recipe.

  • Stewie

    Q. Why did the baker have brown hands? A. He KNEADED a jobby!

  • -D C O Y

    a duck walks up into th bar jumps on th stool the bartender say ohh guday mate whats you name the duck replies dale How was your day today dale says th' bartender oh it was great i was jumping in and out of puddles another duck walks in and jumps up on the stool ohh guday mate says th' bartender whats your name names pale How was your day pale ohh it was great just been jumping in and out of puddles all day another duck walks and dopes th' same thing gudday mate wats ur name names nale mate ohh how was your day t'day it was fun jus been jumping in and out of puddles all day a fourth duck walks in jumps up on th stool let me gues your names hale says th' bartender no my names puddles replies th duc

  • MaRk Plunkett
    MaRk Plunkett

    who invented da glass bra!! seemor titz!!

  • Kewi

    knock knock, whos there? you know. you know who? yep, AVADA KEDAVRA! XDXD :L

  • Awsome
    luv Awsome

    they was a man named dudah and paul.they were going diving of dah wharf.Dudah went first and cracked open his skull and died.Paul called tha ambulance.the ambulance came and cleaned dudah and den took him away. paul was thinking ov a way to tell his wife.den paul went to dudah wifes house knocked on the door.dudahs wife an serd da door den he said(sing dis)Guess who died on the wharf today Dudahhhh duahhhh

  • Chelsea'

    ( Dont like my jokes dont read them) What is the difference between katie price and lego?..... Nothing there both made out of plastic - Whats the difference between david beckham & the london train?..... Their both in and out of victora ever 25mins - your moma is so ugly she makes blind children cry - How do you keep a blonde in the shower? Tell her to shampoo, rinse, and repeat. ( ^ Haha idont even knoe why im making a joke bout a blonde im blonde :L ) - Got more jokes but cba to put them on here lol

  • ºCorrina

    there was a maori man pakiha man and a chinese man they all walked into a strip club the pakia walked in and put $20 down 1 of the girls undies the chinese man walked in and put $30 down 1 of the girls undies the maori man yelled DO U TAKE CREDIT CARDS and swiped it down the girls ass crack lol!!!

  • ºCorrina

    there was a maori man a pakiha man and a chinese man nd they needed some undies so they went 2 the undies shop and the chinese man orderd 1st can i plz orda 4 pairs of undies and the shop keeper said y Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday then the pakiha man orderd 2nd and orderd 7 pairs of undies and the shopkeeper asked y nd he sed Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday the maori man was last and orderd 12 pairs of undies the shop keeper asked y January February March April May June July August September October November December lol!!!!

  • Liam Donnelly

    a guy walked into game stop and asked for grand theft auto she said she didnt know the game so he said its about a black guy who crashes cars has sex with sluts and dodges the police the stupid bitch gave him tiger woods pga tour :L :L :L

  • Rob Geraghty
    Rob Geraghty

    16 blonds walked into a building you would have thought one of them seen it:L :L :L :L :L :L :L

  • Gearoid M
    luv Gearoid M

    a man once said "a womwn is like a deck of cards a heart to love er a diamond to marry er a club to bate er nd a spade to bury the bitch" haha i had a girlfriend in haiti i broke up wit her she was crushed hahaha 3 blondes walk into a building tink 1 of them might av seen it haha you mama so fat the last time she seen 90210 was on a weighin scales hahah i seen 3 pacies drownding so i saved them..............as my screen saver hahaha

  • luv Lauren

    My little brother fell down the stairs today. We are both in stitches.

    2/14/10 via Mobile