There is no beginning or end...there is only Chuck Fucking Norris !

* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

* Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

* Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

* Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

* Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

* Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

* There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

* Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

* Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

* Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

* Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.


* When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

* Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

* Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

* There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

* When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

* Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

* A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

* When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

* Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

* Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

* When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

* In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

* Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

* The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

* A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

* Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

* Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

* When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be