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Yvonne Jones- Toman
- Me, Myself, and I
- Living in grangemouth not lived in scotland for ten years moved back so my wee boy can be around his family, got a great job in media with lots of perks stressful but i love it. Having a good time.Loving life especially watching my son growing up he is the centre of my world.
- The Replacements
- Happiest When
- With my son, seeing him laugh, out having a laugh with my friends
- lies, bitchiness
- Fran Beaton Aka Reilly
- Tracy Huxter
- Yvonne Derrick Nee Carlin
- Tracy Rennie
- Cheryl R
- Phyllis Toman
- Julie Toman
- Michelle Melrose Kearney
- Zoe Armstrong Aka Walker
- Elizabeth Mcluckie
- Louise McCaffrey
- Gemma Roy
- Michael Lindsay
- Angela Rae
- Miss Matthews
- Richard Symon
- Candy Downie
- Laura G
- Hayley Mackinnon
- Helen Haskell
- Deborah Don
- Laurie Mouat - Brown
- Amanda R
- Iain O
- Paula Connolly
- Joanne Pedder
- Jayney S Aka Mains
- Annemarie Lafferty
- Gail L
- Johanne Burton
ye ken yer Scottish if...
1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan?? Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
3. Ye get four seasons in one day.
4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
6. Ye measure distance in minutes.
7. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, inyer ain family.
8. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
9. Ye kin make whole sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
10. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
11. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day
12. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
13. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
14. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
15. Ye ken irn-bru is a hangover cure.
16. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
17. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals .
18. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard these words...
>> >>>how's it hingin
>> >>>awa an bile yer heid
>> >>>humphey backit
>> >>>baw bag
>> >>>dubble nuggit
>> >>>Fit lyk min bam???
4 Comments 260 weeks
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.
It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this:
We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it
This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your arse.
Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.
Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
1 Comment 265 weeks
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