Rule #1 - Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own.
Rule #2 - Never use your real name.
Rule #3 - Never confess.
Rule #4 - No one goes home alone.
Rule #5 - Never let a girl get between you and a fellow Crasher.
Rule #6 - Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms.
Rule #7 - Blend in by standing out.
Rule #8 - Be the life of the party.
Rule #9 - Whatever it takes to get in, get in.
Rule #10 - Invitations are for pussies.
Rule #11 - Sensitive is good.
Rule #12 - When it stops being fun, break something.
Rule #13 - Bridesmaids are desperate - console them.
Rule #14 - You're a distant relative of a dead cousin.
Rule #15 - Fight the urge to tell the truth.
Rule #16 - Always have an up-to-date family tree.
Rule #17 - Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night.
Rule #18 - You love animals and children.
Rule #19 - Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it.
Rule #20 - Always have an early "appointment" the next morning.
Rule #21 - Definitely make sure she's 18.
Rule #22 - You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime.
Rule #23 - There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around.
Rule #24 - If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run.
Rule #25 - You understand she heard that but that's not what you meant.
Rule #26 - Of course you love her.
Rule #27 - Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close.
Rule #28 - Make sure there's an open bar.
Rule #29 - Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again.
Rule #30 - Know the playbook so you can call an audible.
Rule #31 - If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know.
Rule #32 - Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse.
Rule #33 - Never go back to your place.
Rule #34 - Be gone by sunrise.
Rule #35 - Breakfast is for closers.
Rule #36 - Your favorite movie is "The English Patient".
Rule #37 - At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher.
Rule #38 - Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement.
Rule #39 - The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor.
Rule #40 - Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet."
Rule #41 - Never hit on the bride -- it's a one way ticket to the pavement
Rule #42 - Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun.
Rule #43 - At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing.
Rule #44 - Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after. But don't talk about it.
Rule #45 - Always remember your fake name! Rehearse it in advance and make sure you know your fellow Crasher's code-name as well!
Rule #46 - The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising."
Rule #47 - You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church.
Rule #48 - Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée.
Rule #49 - Always work into the conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?"
Rule #50 - Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women.
Rule #51 - Always pull out in time.
Rule #52 - Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay put but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today.
Rule #53 - It's time to put your Drama Lessons in practice! Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive." Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary.
Rule #54 - Avoid virgins. They're

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia

Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?
A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her

Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time
A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking
her.

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in
common?
A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.

Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.

Q. whats the difference between your girlfriend and a sheep?
A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13!

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A. Marry it.

Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
A. Your ass kicked.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty
miles an hour.

Q. Why do women call it PMS?
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A. The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand...

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis,it's not time.

Q. Do you know how Aussies practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it
0 Comments

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Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

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Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is
only a light switch away.

Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed -rock.

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Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.