HomeHomeProfileFriendsMailExploreL
 ogout
All Video Friends Applications Photos White Board Blog

Mark Crawford <mcrwfrd>




LIT jokes 95 days ago


Q. Why don't they have Christmas at GMIT?
A. They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How can you tell if a GMIT student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the GMIT campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a GMIT bird does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at GMIT?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What does a GMIT student call a NUIG student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Did you hear that the library at GMIT burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't coloured-in yet.

Q. Why do GMIT graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q. How do you get a GMIT grad off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Q. How many NUIG students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One - he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him

Q. How many GMIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Three - One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.

Q. What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead GMIT student in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. If you see a GMIT student on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q What do you have when 100 GMIT students are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What do GMIT students use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. You are trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a GMITstudent. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the GMITstudent...twice.

Q. What do u call a GMIT student in a suit?
A. The Defendant

Q. What do u call a NUIG graduate in a suit?
A. The LIT student's lawyer

Smoked pot -- €10
Did acid -- €5
Ever had sex at church -- €25
Woke up in morning and did not know the person who was next to you -€40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- €25
Had sex for money -- €100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- €20
Vandalized something -- €20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- €10
Beat up someone -- €20
Been jumped -- €10
Cross dressed -- €10
Given money to stripper -- €25
Been in love with a stripper -- €20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- €0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- €15
Ever drive and drank -- €20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- €50
Used toys while having sex -- €30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- €20
Went skinny dipping -- €5
Had sex in a pool -- €20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- €10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- €20
Cheated on your significant other -- €10
Masturbated -- €10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- €20
Done oral -- €5
Got oral -- €5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- €25
Stole something -- €10
Had sex with someone in jail -- €25
Made a nasty home video -- €15
Had a threesome -- €50
Had sex in the wild -- €20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --€25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred euro-- €20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- €20
Had sex with someone over 30-- €25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- €50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- €25
Went streaking -- €5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- €15
Been arrested -- €5
Peed in the pool -- €0.50
Played spin the bottle -- €5
Done something you regret -- €20
Had sex with your best friend -- €20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- €25
Had anal sex -- €80
kissed your best mate--€50
Lied to your mate -- €5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- €25

Tally it up and title it: "My Fine Is..." copy and paste, then repost as a new bulletin

fair funny!!
Things i hate about peolpe

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser