The Great Balloon Theft: How the fuck did someone manage to steal a balloon from around paddy's neck while they were in a moving car, how? If anyone sees a woman matching the thiefs description ("Jaysus, that heffer looks like she should be playin scrum half for ireland"- Shane) driving a black car please contact your local garda station.We'll miss ya barney.

The broken glass in the tack room...

"Boys i think i'm too drunk for this"- Paddy when confronted by the mountain of stairs (3 steps) at the door of the palace

"Is it a sign of drunkeness that i'm so proud of that"- Shane after throwing a packet of ketchup over the castle wall

"What are ya talkin about?"- Shane when asked about the ketchup/castle incident the following mornin

That chick with the glowing blue/red hair who we spent ages sneering in the prince

Shane: "You're drunk"
Paddy: "You're sexy!!!"

"Can i have your 2 least gay balloons please"- Niall

Gayness with pirates

Gayness with Shay

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"- Neil

Hardcore trolley action. Slapping that security camera. "FREE SIGN" and all the other criminality

Furious amounts of lesbian/mechanical bull action.

More traditional lesbian action.

Booze fight in scribes

Amy's dress sense ("Do these boots make me look like a whore?" "No but that belt ya call a skirt does")

That dog that followed me home

Deirdre giving everyone a show in the tack room.

Mmmmmm pancakes

Mairead biting me

Caroline's neck

The FÁS boys céili

Deccy Murphy's tour of duty

"You know what carlyle, i fuckin hate you..... ONLY MESSIN"- Aidan (with his big dick on him)

The hypnotist puttin four men into labour

Your one orderin a taxi from cypress gardens to scribes

The helium. ("It's not workin."- Shane)

Sneakin paddy back into the shack

Booze in Your Booze: Saying means To drink heavily for oneson merriment

Prostigous: adjective that can be used in any possible way

Long Lad: Someone blessed with great height

Dredge: Noun meaning person

Yop Shero: Greeting means Hello friend

Savage: Adjective means good or good looking

Savage Farrel: Assistant Foreman in Killeshal

Lethal: Adjective meaning Good or excellent

Hot enough 2: Saying means she is also good looking

Ah Referee: Saying means you can't be serious

Howya lads(in high pitched voice):Form of greeting

Dony Ryan: Noun means Angry School Bus Driver

Johnny Healy: Noun Means School Bus Driver who won'tbe called a bollocks again

Bruce Hannon: Nickname for a talented carpenter from the croghan area. Sometimes applied to his son

The Thin Lad: Nickname means Johnny Collins.

The Grey Lad: Nickname means Vincent Collins.

Malloy: Nickname means Fergal Smith

The Beefy: Nickname 4 an anorexic man from road

The Quam: No explanation required

Luggs: A nickname 4 a quinn from road Note: Luggs reloaded is his son

Jaxie: A nickname 4 the head seerys barman Mick Seery

Seerys: The best pub in the land

Rough enough 2: Saying means not 2 good or good looking

Queen: Noun means Female

Chickie: Noun means Female

Cheen Bean: Noun means Person

Snipe Lynch: A talented Grey Houndman from daingean croghan area

Don't Brown Me: Saying means Desist in your attempts to aggrevate me

Don't be jiving Me: Same as above

Scourge: Means either to do or pursue a young woman/man

Squaring/Jiving/Boogeying/Gyrating
: Verb means to dance

Shaping: Verb means to throw shapes

Binsaw: Both a person from rhode and a saying that is randomly shouted

Alright Jim: Greeting

Squaw:Noun means Female may also refer to girl you are courting

The Deputy: A verty drunken man

Big Al:Alan Kennedy

Blanket/Blanky Kennedy: Mark Kennedy

Mouldy: Verb/adjective means to be heavily intoxicated

Foxy Kennedy;Never going to Anthony Foys Again

Scrute: Noun means person or friend

Smarmy: Young Man to be found in Kileshall

Sauce McCabe: Nickname means Sauce McMabe

Look At Dis (High Pitched): Saying means Look at this before me

Thats a load of ring: Saying means this is not fun or worthwhile

Hows your Sean: Saying means both how are you and hows your penis

Sean: Nickname for the penis

Flute,lad,Knob:Nicknames for the penis

Throw the lenght at/Give her a lenght of Wavin:Saying means to make love 2

Daingean Knacker: Nickname for a rogue from Daingean

Your nothing but a Daingean Knacker:Saying said to someone when they show they are a rogue from daingean

Knack: Noun scumbag in a tracksuit (similar to chav)

Tunes: Noun means Songs

Shaper: Someone who throws alot of shapes

MAke a rag of someone/to scutch someone: Saying means to make a fool of someone

WHACKA/KICKA:Something shouted while striking another individual

To whack it out of it:Saying means to go for a nite out or to have a good night out

Cuckoo!Cuckoo!: Often heard prior to someone getting a hiding

Boozing: Drinking

Hardy Fella: Someone who is very tough

Flat Out: Working Extremely Hard

Under Pressure: Working Hard

Grubber: Fella in management in kileshall

Monk: Man who works in Kileshsll

To give Abuse: To be mean to someone

Shooting The Load: To Ejaculate

Towing Oneself:To Masturbate

At a Furious Rate: With vigour and effort

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that 'flying reindeer' (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.

We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.> In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.