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Life after a suicide
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- Me, Myself, and I
- A loved one's suicide can be emotionally devastating. Reaching out to others or getting professional help may ease your pain, although it may never fully go away.
The death of a loved one is heart-wrenching and painful. But when the death is because of suicide, those left behind face even more difficult challenges.
Overwhelming emotions can leave you reeling. It may seem like your support system has vanished. And you may be consumed by guilt, wondering if there's something you could have done to prevent your loved one's death.
Bereavement after a loved one has taken their own life is often more complicated, intense and prolonged than it is with a death from natural causes. Although you may never fully recover and always feel a loss, you can learn how to cope better and eventually move forward in a way that's healthy.
If you have been affected by suicide please join this group.
Another day for you to wonder, another day for you to mourn
It wasn't my intention to go before the coming dawn
My pain was deep within my heart and troubled head
It wasn't my intention to go without words said.
My frame of mind seemed normal, or so I heard them say
It wasn't my intention not to see another day
I did not mean to make you suffer or cause you so much pain
It wasn't my intention to never see you again.
Despair and confusion left my aching mind unsure
It wasn't my intention to suddenly close life's door
If only I could give you reasons and brush the tears away
It wasn't my intention to leave you and not stay.
I did not mean for you to grieve, now left alone to cry
It wasn't my intention to leave you, forever asking why
As the burdens of life's worries slowly ebb from my heart
it wasn't my intention to tear your soul apart
2 Comments 228 weeks
Suicide can be described as an interpersonal act. It is killing oneself, yet it also kills a part of everyone who is close to, or loves, the person who dies by suicide. The emotional pain for the suicide victim is over, but it is only beginning for the survivors.
If you have had a family member or friend die by suicide, you will be able to identify the sharp and long lasting feelings that arise with grief. These emotions are similar to those felt while mourning any violent, unexpected death. Unfortunately, additional reactions occur when that violent, unexpected death is a suicide. The feelings themselves can be scary. The most frightening aspect is not knowing what to expect and being told trite platitudes in an attempt to cheer you up and “take away” the negative grief feelings.
Virtually all deaths bring a period of grief to the surviving relatives and friends, and sometimes anger, anger at the dead person for leaving us. It is a stage that many people pass through on their way to accepting the death. If the death has been expected, the grieving may be somewhat easier on us because we may have had time to communicate with the dying person, time to listen to his or her feelings and fears, and time to give help throughout the ordeal. We are not as apt to be angry with one who has, in effect, let us know he or she is going to die.
But it is not easy to deal with a sudden and unexplainable death, the kind that occurs in an accident or a suicide. We are denied the time with the person, the opportunity to tie up “loose ends” to make amends, to prepare ourselves.
Suicide, more so than even an accident, is very hard on the survivors. There may be anger at the person who chose death over life and perhaps over being with us. There is guilt, perhaps self-blame for not paying more attention to the victim when he or she was distressed; or there is self-hate because of those times when there was irritation or anger expressed towards the victim.
I remember when my brother completed suicide I was feeling angry towards him how dare he do this to our family, I smashed up his personal fax machine while doing so I was swearing calling him all the names under the sun I was so angry, my heart ached, my head hurt, my feelings were everywhere.
Because of the way suicide affects survivors, a lot of attention is now devoted to helping them deal with the suicide. Survivors must learn to deal with all of the mixed emotions churning inside them, with all of the unanswered questions that gnaw at them. Where did they fail? Could they have prevented the death? Why didn’t they see the signs? Shouldn’t they have returned the phone call after they cut their family member/friend off so abruptly because they were too busy or too tired to hear more of the old complaints?
WHAT IF, WHAT, WHY!
There are instances where family and/or friends do not always pay attention to those who try to express their feelings. People become fearful when you mention the word suicide, they may ask you not to speak of it again. If a suicide attempt occurs in a family, there are those that will deny that it happened, preferring to maintain a strict silence.
Sometimes, the guilt of survivors is justified. People often don’t spend the time they should with their children, their friends. Parents hear children talking, laughing, crying, but sometimes don’t really listen. But what about the parents that do spend the time, do listen? Parents are the ones in the end that are responsible for their children in the truest sense of that overworked word; it is they who hurt the most when their own flesh and blood hurt.
0 Comments 254 weeks
Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
Struggle with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know "why", or until you are satisfied with partial answers.
Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings, but all your feelings will be normal.
Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy - you are in mourning.
Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself.
You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do.
Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean you will act on these thoughts.
Remember to take one moment or day at a time.
Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone.
Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
Give yourself time to heal
Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.
Expect setbacks, Don't panic if emotions return like a tidal wave. You may only be experiencing a remnant of grief.
Try to put off major decisions.
Give yourself permission to get professional help.
Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
Be patient with yourself and with others.
Set your own limits and learn to say no.
Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends, or Survivors of Suicide Groups. If not, ask a professional to help start one.
Call on your personal faith to help you through.
It is common to experience physical reaction to your grief, i.e headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep, etc.
The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let go of them.
Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and go beyond just surviving.
1 Comment 268 weeks
I'm sorry for0 Replies 264 weeks
The pain I couldn't cure.
I'm sorry for
Every word I couldn't burn.
I'm sorry for
the things I didn't see.
that I couldn't make you happy.
The one wound
That won't ever heal,
Is that I
Couldn't make us real.
I'm sorry I
couldn't protect you from pain to endure.
I guess he
was right; I'm a failure.
I can't hear
you whisper, "I love you."
I can't see
you're love-filled eyes so true.
I can't taste,
your sweet soft lips on mine.
I can't touch
your soft hair that can shine.
Through all this pain
The truth I can see.
Now, it's clear;
I was never worthy.
I know its hard when a loved one takes their own life but dont burden yourself with the what ifs and if onlys.0 Replies 268 weeks
Suicide takes your heart to the lowest of the low and since we have felt and seen what darkness brings we must stay strong and let the light shine deep within us.
Take your love 4 them, suck it in and breath deep.
I DONT just LIVE For ME NOW I LIVE FOR MY BROTHER AS WELL.
This way of thinking has helped me to live again.
.R.I.P Brother Jeff.
.HEAVENS BLESS ALWAYS AND FOREVER.
We are missing you so much your dad and mum had wished you could of come talk to us we know your were in pain but you wouldn't talk to us. We need you back so bad but i know thats never going to happen and i just dont know what to do with my life now i keep going back to the day i had you ill never forget that day as loong we live the other is the one where god took you to heaven and the 26th may 2008 when he layed you to rest that was the hardest day we never that we had to deal with i wnat to go there everyday but i know i cant but we willbe there tomorrow 01/06/2007 to check on you and make sure your ok all our love dad mum and your best mate tickford jo and jess will be there to LOVE YOU FOREVER MUM , DAD & TICKFORD your best mate0 Replies 268 weeks
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- My big brother James,R.I.P buddy love you.xxxxxx
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