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- The most successful serial killer America has ever known
- Me, Myself, and I
- I'm best known as a detective novel writer, having gotten into this line of work after retiring as a teacher, but I get most enjoyment from murdering new and interesting people that I meet at social occasions, usually people I meet through my numerous old friends.
- Happiest When
- Murdering, framing, meeting old friends
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From The Chaser, Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Popular mystery writer Jessica Fletcher has been charged with 689 homicides previously declared solved. Police say Fletcher concocted an image as a harmless busybody and amateur sleuth as a means of avoiding suspicion, allowing to kill her victims with means varying from a marble bust toppled from a roof-top to a rigged stunt man's gun. She avoided detection for many years, before prosecutors uncovered statistics showing Fletcher on or near the scene of hundreds of different homicides.
Cabot Cove, the sleepy Maine town the writer called home, was similar in size to nearby, violence-free towns, but suffered dozens of bloody murders in less than a decade. "It was just too much of a coincidence to ignore," FBI profiling expert John McDonald said. "A perpetrator offering to assist in the investigation of homicide they themselves has committed is a pattern we often see in serial killings. The explanations for the crimes were just getting more and more improbable."
Fletcher was able to convince police she was genuine with a combination of homespun wisdom and plucky charm, even going as far as developing a relationship with the gruff but lovable local sheriff. "She was very convincing," said one investigator. "Her pat summation of the facts of the case, her uncanny ability to elicit a confession out of the least likely suspect, it was all very impressive. I mean, put her up against a crooked property developer trying to buy an old marina, and who are the cops going to believe?"
The FBI started to investigate Fletcher after receiving a tip-off from a cruise ship operator. "It got to the point where no cruise company would let her board one of their ships because they knew that as soon as she showed up, a corpse would soon follow," McDonald said.
Shakespearean actor Lionel Hitchens was one of those framed by the sociopathic widow. Despite protestations of innocence, he was led away in handcuffs after Fletcher gave a glib summation of his motives for a senseless crime. "Why would I kill another actor just because I was his understudy to play Hamlet? In an amateur theatre production? It didn't make any sense. But as soon as the police had spent a half-hour investigating it, they just went with the first explanation they heard, and didn't want to know any more."
While investigators say the evidence against Fletcher is overwhelming, they have not ruled out a surprise twist, possibly involving a surprise special guest star witness.
0 Comments 274 weeks
It is understood that Jessica Fletcher can been implicated in every murder to have taken place in the English-speaking world.
"Murder, She Wrote" is never repeated, Angela Lansbury acts out every scene live for each broadcast.
Jessica Fletcher once convicted herself of murder.
Studies show you are 1200% more likely to be murdered if you are within a 5-mile radius of Jessica Fletcher. This grows to 4000% if you are an old friend of hers and further doubles if you are once removed from a relative.
Jessica Fletcher discovered and convicted the murderer of Jesus Christ, then covered it up to preserve Christianity.
The entire population of the United States, Great Britain and the Republic of Ireland has, at some stage, been an old friend of Jessica Fletcher's.
Jessica Fletcher is so convincing at framing suspects, she regularly convinces innocent men that they are killers.
Cabot Cove, Maine, has the highest murder rate in the world. It is estimated that residence in Cabot Cove increases your chances of becoming a murder victim to approximately 100%.
Jessica Fletcher dabbles in acting, and has often portrayed the character Angela Lansbury, an actress, to defer attention from her murderous ways.
Jessica Fletcher has been romantically linked with a string of oil barons, landowners and such high-profile personalities as Lee Harvey Oswald and Mark Chapman.
The term "busybody" was coined to save time when introducing Jessica Fletcher to a jury.
Jessica Fletcher can overrule a Supreme Court judge with a witty anecdote, a wry smile and some of that prized New England charm.
Jessica Fletcher's perm IS the grassy knoll.
Jessica Fletcher cannot be prosecuted because a jury of her peers could only consist of twelve Jessica Fletchers.
Jessica Fletcher did all of the voices for the Watergate recordings.
Relatives of Jessica Fletcher are reputed to have gone to great expense to avoid contact with her, often going to such lengths as burning any mail with a Maine postmark.
Health insurance companies refuse to accept old friends of Jessica Fletcher as clients.
Jessica Fletcher was implicated in the deaths of Achilles and Tutenkhamun, and can be clearly distinguished in a series of cave paintings in Greece and Egypt.
0 Comments 294 weeks