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Alcohol
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think

about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes

and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out

of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say

to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their

dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what

the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they

wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're

going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that

you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can

sing.

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,

we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all

get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in

dancing like a retard.

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the

history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the

wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does

not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell

your friends over and over again that you love them.

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can

logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Calvin,

of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Calvin was explaining the

Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only

move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it

is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the

general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the

regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the

human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain

cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells

first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the

weaker brain cells, making

the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why
0 Comments 111 days ago



blonde women
Blonde Women



she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to
death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept






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