Peter Kay 16 hours ago

Peter Kay's questions;

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your a*se?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Spagetti?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?



Peter Kay's Universal Truths;

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger

You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator - then turned the figures upside down

Reading when you're drunk is horrible

Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly

You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl

You never know where to look when eating a banana

Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat

Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly

Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
the first given opportunity

Some days you see lots of people on crutches

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush

Old women with mobile phones look wrong

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited

You never ever run out of salt

Old ladies can eat more than you think

You can't respect a man who carries a dog

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
wood specifically to stir paint with

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose