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Who is Jack Schitt?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt. We
find ourselves in a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt'. Well thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt the owner of Needeep, N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married ten years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition name Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable
throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in
a dual ceremony. The wedding announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Now when someone says, 'you don't know Jack Schitt' you can correct him or her.
0 Comments 306 weeks
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
-Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
-Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
-If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
-Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
-When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
-Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
-When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
-1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
-If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
-Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
-Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
-Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
-Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
-When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
-When asked the significance of the number 24, Jack Bauer just points to his crotch and nods.
-Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
-Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
-Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
-Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
-If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
-Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
-It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
-Jack Bauer's vanity plate reads: IKIL4CTU.
-When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
-Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
-The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
-Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
-Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
-Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
-If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
-Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.
-Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
-When Jack Bauer is looking for a good laugh, he watches Chuck Norris work out on his Total Gym.
-Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
-Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
-There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
-Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
-In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
-Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
-In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
-When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
-When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, i
0 Comments 346 weeks
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