Báite - eg "I gave it báite" - I put a fair bit of effort into it

Stomached - surprised eg. "Jays, when he came up behind me I was awful stomached"

Mighty - very good

Hames - a right mess - eg. "he made a hames of that clearance"

Timber - intimidation of a hurling opponent

Welt - swing at

Lamp - a good thump

A Crowd – e.g. "that crowd from Ardrahan are a right shower of shites"

Schkelp - a good thump

Bullin' - angry. eg. "the centre half back was bullin' after I lamped him"

Bull thick - very angry

Joult - a push

Joshel - a shoulder push

The Comm-it-eeee - Local GAA bullshitters in general

Bushted - eg. "Jayz me arm is bushted"

Bomber - a very popular nickname for a GAA player

A hang sangwidge - consumed with tay on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles.

Citeog - he hit it with his citeog. ie. left handed/footed

Warp - hit something hard as in "I'll f**kin' warp you"

Blast - A great amount of anything.

Rake - Also a great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness

A Shamozzle - a group of players shkelpin' one another but not exactly hittin' anyone at the same time!

Flakin' - usually goes on for a whole game..... eg. "Jayz Mike Murphy gave Tony Delaney an awful flakin' below in training on Sunday". To "flake" a lad for a whole game usually starts off with a bit of the aforementioned "joshellin'" and "joultin'" and develops into a bit of "weltin'" and may even result in a good "lampin'" for the victim especially if he gets "bull thick".

Namajaysus - What was that for, referee?

Ya-bollix-ya - Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent

Leh-it-in-ta-fuck-would-ya - Full forward's appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass

Mullocker - untidy or awkward players

Horsed - bout of rough play or intimidatory tactics as in “we horsed them out of it

Horse - untidy or rough player. There's one in every club ( The Legendary “Horse” Delaney)

Row - Fight involving four or more players swinging hurleys like lunatics

Massive Row - Row involving both team,substitutes and supporters jumping fences

Running Row - A massive row that continues out in the parking area and/or dressing room areas

** Here's a few more you'd hear around Gurtagarry or Ballymackey **:

"Come up ta F*ck"- A corner back back trying to rise the ball .

"Lord Lantern Jaysus.." - "The next time you do that I'll f**kin kill ya"

"a hape" - A big quantity (Heap)

"in the paw" - To catch the ball.

"a Brawl" - A collection of bodies in disagreement with each other.

"a Dinger" - Usually a fast wing forward who can leave his opponent "for Dust".

"a right C*nt" - The Ref was a bit biased towards the other team

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wally is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King... and got one.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

>1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them
>serious."
>(Alan Minter)
>
>2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch
>this
>morning and it was amazing ! "
>(Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)
>
>3. "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside
>of
>him."
>(New Zealand rugby commentator Murray Mexted)
>
>4. "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
>(Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator)
>
>5. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of
>my body."
>(Winston Bennett)
>
>6. "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one
>behind it,
>which is identical."
>(Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)
>
>7. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and
>mother."
>(Greg Norman)
>
>8. "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect
>the same thing again."
>(Terry Venables - Soccer Coach)
>
>9. "I would not say that David Ginola is the best left
>winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
>(Ron Atkinson - soccer coach)
>
>10. "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge
>president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
>(Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)
>
>11. "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got
>eleven Dicks on the field"
>(Metro Radio)
>
>12. "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to
>hang in the air for even longer."
>(David Acfield)
>
>13. "What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will
>you stay in football?"
>(Stuart Hall Radio 5 live)
>
>14. "And there goes Juantorena down the back straight,
>opening his legs and showing his class."
>(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)
>
>15. "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so
>well is that before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
>balls and kisses them....Oh My God! What have I just
>said?!!!"
>(US PGA Commentator)
>
>16. "For those of you who are watching in black and white,
>the blue is behind the brown."
>(Ted Lowe, Snooker commentator)
>
>17. True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it
>was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
>weatherman and
>asked...
>
>"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
>
>... Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew
>did too as they were laughing so hard!
>
>18."He's just smashed the world record, this is >unbelievable!!!what is he doing? he's still going. oh wait
> there's still another lap to go.