1. David Myers once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Myers allows to live.

3. When David Myers drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Myers was born, the nurse said, "Holy Crap! That's David Myers (Rave on)!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Myers goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Myers could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Myers and forgot to pay him back.

8. David Myers can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

10. When David Myers jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.

11. David Myers can divide by zero.

12. In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Myers, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. David Myers is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

14. David Myers has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Myers is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Myers can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Myers diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18. David Myers once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19. David Myers played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

20. If you were to lock David Myers in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Myers randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

22. David Myers doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

23. When David Myers does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

24. Whenever David Myers puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

25. David Myers invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

26. David Myers coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

27. David Myers haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Myers fought john farrell!!!

29. David Myers is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

30. David Myers is not hung by a horse, horses are hung like David.

31. David Myers now sleeps with men, not cuz he's gay, but because there are no more women left to sleep with.

32. David Mayers can talk about fight club.

1. give me ur number?
2. love me?
3. let me kiss u?
4. watch a movie with me?
5. have dinner with me?
6. drive me sumwer?
7. take a shower with me?
8. be my gf/bf?
9. tell me u think im cute?
10. buy me a drink if i didnt have mone?
11. take me home for da nite?my huse r ur huse?
12. let me sleep in ur bed?
13. re-post dis for me 2 let me answer ur questions?
14. do u think im attractive, beautiful r sexy?
15. do u like my style?
16. do u think im funie?
17. do u care about me?
18. would u dance wit me?
19. would u sing happy b'day 2 me?

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?
5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
12. What do people in China call their good plates?
13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?