Peter Kays Universal Truths!

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.



2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.



3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub
is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a
complete stranger.



4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green
crisps.



5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits
55378008 into a calculator



6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.



7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really
manly.



You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or
not to have a fire in your back garden.



10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.



11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.



12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.



13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.



14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a
bouncy ball.



15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.



16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your
school.



17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is
to call your teacher mum or dad.



1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would
kill you at the first given opportunity.



19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.



20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee,
flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.



21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.



22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.



23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.



24) You never ever run out of salt.



25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.



26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.



27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel
when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.



2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.



29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who
has had their arm broken by a swan.



30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on
an upturned plug.



31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.



32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin
piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.



33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.



34) Bricks are horrible to carry.



35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.



36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad

how old are u?
are we m8ts?
do u lyk me as a friend?
do u lyk me more than a friend?
would u kiss me?
would u c me?
wot do u think ov me?
do u think i am realy hot? HEE HEE
y do u think that?
do u think i am a bitch?
do u lyk my singing?
do u lyk my acting?
are u goin to put this on your bebo pg and c wa i say bout u?

I forgot to say, to those of you who don't already know, this time exactly one year ago, I was in hospital, drugged up to mi eyeballs (a brilliant experience by the way, I have plans to steal some morphene from the hospital so everyone can try it, in the new year) and waiting to have an eight hour operation following passing out in a shower that morning and getting third degree burns to 50 percent of my skin surface. A horrible thought I'm sure, but believe me, living through it was worse. However, god couldn't get rid of me that easily so here I am still, freaking everyone out yet again!!!!