Got a puncture in the moose box last night. Took it in and ended up with four new tyres. Cost - about 80 bails of hay!

Tried to send an email today. Computer ate it! It's difficult enough typing with hooves without stupid computers mucking me about.

Tried playing football (hoofball?) with the local kids. They put me in goal. Game didn't last long. Ball came my way so I did the introductions. Ball - antler, Antler - ball. PSSSSSST. What was that?

Cut off the phones in a village down the road. There was this nice green stuff up a tree so I reared up on my hind legs. Didn't see the phone lines. Ooops!

It's that time of year - coat changing season. Thrown out of local pool because 'shedding hair clogs the filters'. How petty can you get? And they complained about the kids diving off my antlers - well if they had proper diving facilities the kids wouldn't need to dive off my antlers!

Some idiot in the pub tried to use me as a coat rack again last night - he won't do that again in a hurry! That was after some woman tried to throw me out of Sainsburys. 'No Dogs!' she says! Do I look like a dog? 'Shoo, shoo' she says! I don't wear shoos. Stupid woman. A little kid wanted to stroke my ears. That was nice. It's mother even gave me a carrot.

Traffic warden tried to put a ticket on my moose box. Atap round the head with the velvet covered hard bits got rid of him.