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drunken text Appreciation
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- Me, Myself, and I
- Drunken txts we've all either one of them or recived one and now there's a whole group to appreciate them. get any of your friends who you know have sent you one of these txts to join.
Also if you have any other druken txts that you've sent or recived leave a comment and i'll put them in.
omg dont even talk!!!!!!!!!!0 Replies 207 weeks
One night, I went off with the mates for a night out.. Unfortunately, they were a quiet bunch, so by 12 I was left on my own. I decided I'd spent enough, so I called my mam asking if she could get me a taxi.. She called, and went insane that I hadn't got one booked.1 Reply 232 weeks
I was texting a friend around the same time, and after my mother hung up, I went to text my mate something like the following... "Meh, twas an alright night. Everyones gone now, I'm standing here like an eejit, and my mam's going schitz at the other end of the phone! Fuckin bitch is going mad because I didn't get me taxi organized....................... Etc!"
You can guess who got the message in the end! Dear old mother, ringing me up.. "What the fuck are you sayin about me?".. She organized a taxi (grudgingly, as you can imagine!), and I had some laugh with the taxi driver on the way home.. He'd done similar things to his boss, AND wife....
My uncle and ex had da same name! I always sent my boyfriend my uncles texts and my uncle my boyfriends but my uncle never got ones dat'd really embarras me.. Until I got Drunk.. He'd get all da drunken messages meant for my boyfriend!! He still uses dem against me at all family get togethers!0 Replies 243 weeks
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- Absoloutly Twisted, luk at the cut...lol
- I wanted to take the chair downstairs.. cuz "i love that chair"
- Yep So Wasted?
- gud nite
- 600+ dutch cans in 4 months. Won't take full credit for this, Ross, Fionn, Oisin, Brendan, Dave, me(Rob) and numerous others in heather hills.
- That cocktail cost 100 euro so we got 2...it resulted in 1 serious assualt wit a weapon and an unrelated arrest:)
- He let us do dis to him!
- worsts! (are you a typical drunk??) 520 Taken
1) The "fishing" text.
This text is normally along the lines of: "So wot u up 2 later?" or "U out tonight?", "Ocean?"
Despite appearing innocent at first, this type of text is far from it. Sent at 3am, this generally should be translated as:"Im drunk, horny and haven't pulled tonight. Where is my back up shag? I wanna come round and jump your bones right now!"
Typical response rate is around 10%. The determinates of a successful "fishing" text are alcohol levels in the person receiving the text, how filthy they are, and your marginal propensity to sleep.
A "fishing" text is at its worst wen sent to an ex. Just dont do it! Remove her number from your phone, or, do what i did, simply put "No" after/b4 her name in your phone book as a gentle reminder to avoid embarrassing yourself. some examples of this type of text are "You're a fuckin prick. I dont need you anymore. I'm having an amazing time with you.I never want to see you again. I'm out with the girls and we're havin an amazing time.. I'm horny.. Where are you?"
(Apparently the aussie's have got this sorted. You can ring up a company b4 you got out and have a specific number barred from your phone for the night! Awesome!)
2) The "T9" classic
For those geeks up on your phone lingo "T9" refers to the predictive text facility found on most mobile phones. Such a programme, whilst useful during the day, can wreak havoc whilst texting under the influence of alcohol.
My personal favourites:
"In supermarket. Fucking steve." Thanks Camilla (London)
"wish i was inside your gorgeous aunt right now" (thanks Colette- Nottingham)
The local boozer in town is called the crown, so wen my 'mate dave' asked a particularly nice female if she wanted to meet up:
''fancy gettin food in the crown?''
it inevitably got written as:
''fancy gettin done in the brown?''
(Special thanks to James Osborne - Sheffield Hallam for that one!)
"Fancy a dual?"
This last one is also classed as a "fishing" text since, as u may have realised, "dual" should say "fuck".
Fortunately, the girl i sent this baby to saw the funny side and hadn't been drinking. She sent the following reply:
"Andy, unfortunately i hav no desire to don full body armour, a sword, and a shield, grab my horse and ride over to urs for a "dual". Oh, and i certainly dont want sex with u!"
3) The "friend locator" text
The only type of text to be sent without sexual motivation. Picture the following situation:
You've just met some chick and your mates have fucked off to leave u to it. At which point she realises your chat stinks and she makes an excuse to go find her friends. U are left alone to fend for yourself. You reach for your mobile phone and attempt to call your frends several times b4 realising they will not be able to hear them ring. Your solution is to send the following message:
"Wher u? Ho on dancefloor" Or some other incomprehensible crap.
This situation is exhasbirated in the following Nottingham nightclubs:
ISIS, Oceana cheese room and The Lizard Lounge, since you have fuck all signal and must except the fact u will be paying for the entire taxi fair home, or play that game outside the club where u go up to people u loosely recognise and start asking "lenton anyone?".
Response rate: 0.01%
4) "Declarations of undying love"
No doubt the most embarassing of the drunken texts. Do you recognise any of the following?
"You are the most beautiful girl in the world!" - Ergh!
"I love u!"
"Love you millions"
"Why cant all guys be as fit like you!"
"Missing you!" / "I miss you so much!" (My personal worst - I'm always sending it)
"Im so into you right now."
It should be noted that for no apparent reason the number of kisses on the end of the text increases to some exponential figure. x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Response rate: 0% and by sheer coincidence thats exactly how much sex you'll be getting from her after sending it. And also the amount of
40 Comments 309 weeks