Rafael Benitez: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"
Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"
Rafael Benitez: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"

Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.

Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...
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Three Liverpool Supporters were in a pub and spotted a United fan at the bar. The first one said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the United fan and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Manc, I hear your David Beckham is a poof".
"Really? I didn't know that".
Puzzled, the Scouser walked back to his buddies.
"I told him Beckham was a poof and he didn't care"!
"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn".
The second Scouser walked over and tapped the United fan on the shoulder.
"Hey Manc, I hear your David Beckham is a transvestite poof"!
"Oh, Christ I wasn't aware of that, thanks".
Shocked beyond belief, the Scouser went back to his buddies.
"You're right. He is unshakeable!"
The third Scouser said "No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch".
The Scouser walked over to the United fan, tapped him on the shoulder and said.........

"Hey Manc I hear your David Beckham is a Liverpool Supporter!"
"Apparently so. Just as your mates said earlier"
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Q. Why can't you circumcise a Scouser?
A. Because there is no end to those pricks.

Q. Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool?
A. Because there's nothing worth shitting on.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

What do Liverpool fans and mushrooms have in common?
They both have big heads and live in shit

How do you make a scouser run faster?
stick a video player under his arm

What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.

What do you call a scouser in a suit?
The accused.

If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
It might be your bike.

What do you say to a Scouser with a job?
Big Mac please.

What's long, scouse, and goes around corners?
The Dole queue.

Why is the Anfield Stadium Grass so green?
Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of shit on it.

Rafa Benitez has this morning explained why he continues to play the rotation system. He says it’s the keep the burglars guessing, who’s at home or who’s in the team.

ONE
w.a.k.e.u.p
there is NO SUCH THING as a bebo tracker.
it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid emails like
"OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"
no, it doesnt.


TWO
To the people who have like 25,000 friends,
are you serious?
You're stupid.
Go play in traffic.


THREE
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG,I'm so fat"
because if you were,
you wouldn't post them.
And if u do ur a funking mongoloid.


FOUR
Nobody cares about threats over the internet.
Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics;
even if you win, you're still retarded.


FIVE
Making 20 whiteboards/comment/emails a day
about how you hate other people
b/c you're not on their top 14.
who the fuck cares?
ITS FUCKING BEBO!!!!


SIX
Who really gives a crap if
I don't accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don't send me another request or message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"
I don't want you as a friend;
that's what's up!


SEVEN
Little 6th graders who have bebo
and look like sluts,
go somewhere else
because nobody wants you here.


EIGHT
If you have decided to read this,
you are a true Bebo Friend.
Real friends read their Emails.


NINE
I say you go and pass this on
and maybe it will finally get through people's brains



TEN
And if you open a Email and it says something like
"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight,"
IT'S NOT REAL! QUIT BEING A FUCKING MORON