the heat
sunburn
sweating
monsoon
tuk tuks and their drives
cows,cats,dogs
toyota camrys
haggling
chicken fried rice
tomato sauce
tomatoes
cucumbers
chillis
pringles
ice,ice,ice
water
coke
beer
cocktails
happy hour
prostitutes
KFC
macDonalds
drunkeness
24 hour 7 elevens
skytrain
sleeper trains
speedboats
itchy insect bites
ants,cockroaches,gekos
roy keane
ronan keating,westlife,the cranberries
interet cafes
overseas calls
atms
pool ball
vcds
air con
fans
markets
minibars
john spilling and losing stuff
showers
laundry
waterfalls
paying separately
exchange rates
tickets
mobile phone shops
john wayne
dubbed movies
bebo
scooters
questionable overtaking maneuvers
beeping horns
arrival and departure forms
visas
ice cream
no flushy the toilet paper

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called
"12".


If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had
a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.


Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed
Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.


Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.


When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.


Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.



Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack
Bauer.



1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.




When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack
Bauer fucking hates lemonade.



If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but
Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.


Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is
because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.


Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.


Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.


Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him
finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.


Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.



Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never
needs to escape.



Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting
at another terrorist twelve miles away.


If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before
you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.



Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.



If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.



Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".


When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.



Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says
something then you better fucking do it.


When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him
43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack
Bauer".


Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite
color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.



When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.



Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.




Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for
having a weakness.


Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had
to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.


Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.


When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.


In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times.
What the fuck have you done with your life?



Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an
hour. And he's done it twice.



If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.



Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.



Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using niether rock, paper
nor scissors.


Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look
forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.



When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.




There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack

Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Cheer and clap loudly every time someoe brekas the silence w/ a bodily function noise.
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
Fill up a large flask w/ Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 ft. Sigh relaxingly.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peekaboo!"
Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!"
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Say, "Interesting...more floaters than sinkers."
Say, "Now how did that get there?"
Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"