"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."
Simply the greatest sentence ever uttered.


“And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.”
George alludes to the giant African mammal renowned for its mighty leaps.


"Russia have beaten Ireland 4-2, Albania 4-1 and now Switzerland 4-1 at home. It would be a wise man who bet against them beating Georgia."
Bet George Hamilton's a popular man down his local bookies.



”What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer!"
Hope that didn't go straight down the keeper's throat.



”The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside.”
Reckon Keano would have got the hammer out.



“The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open.”
George is all at sea with this maritime metaphor.



"Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon."
The coup de grace from Ireland’s defeat of Holland.



“We could let them score one now and they wouldn't have time to score another.”
George perhaps reveals why he choose commentary above coaching as he comes up with a novel way of running down the clock.



”Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch.”
George digs and digs 'til daylight is but a distant memory.



”That should be NO problem for the defence - OH NOOOO!!"
A familiar refrain.


"Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so."
The Poles duly knock one in. Minutes later.....



"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles Scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"
By DangerHere's calculations, George is directly responsible for 87% of the goals Ireland have conceded during his reign in the gantry.



George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"



“Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio”
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.



“And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio.”
George surely was the only one not to know.



”The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”
But at least he cleared it up. Or did he?



”The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton's almighty weedkiller.”
George goes green in Italia 90



“If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!”
George reveals his oriental background after a perfectly correct refereeing decision.



“You sir, are an idiot!”
George politely rebukes Lilian Laslandes after a red card offence.



“He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!”
Our George thinks THE George as Butragueno is replaced.



”Red Sky at night, good day tomorrow.”
George reckons that the popular proverb needs a little simplification



”Bless my soul, he’s missed it!”
George is disappointed in Simone Inzaghi's penalty taking skills.



"Two nil and the ability to score goals in seventeen consecutive matches, getting the ball in the net, it, the shape of what we're to expect, even if Iran are good, has to be positive."
George in succinct stylist mode



"And we're now watching a traditional Korean Drum Dance, performed by the appropriately named Kim Yung BONG"
George finds something of interest du

u know what really grinds my gears? when u meet sum1 who obviously knows u name and all and uv no idea who dey r or where dey no u from so embarassing

u know what really grinds my gears? when d printers take money off ur card and dont print out neting its 1 transaction for another assholes

u know what really grinds my gears? when u try and wash ur windscreen wit water and d wipers and it makes it even worse. wots d point of putting such a feature in a car if it never works properly

u know what really grinds my gears? star fuckers. u no d people dat think dey know sum1 like a local sports star and meet dem out and annoy dem 4d nite. leave dem alone if dey wanted 2speak wit u deyd have ur phone number

u know what really grinds my gears? james blunt. wot a wanker. a smug fukn upper class silver spoon toff. wots wrong james why are u always whinging? uv had time 2get over it so get over it please ur depressing warblings only serve d purpose of depressing d rest of us. his music is shit 2

u know what really grinds my gears? when girls go 2d bathroom 2gether. besides d problems wit d whole hygene aspect of it wot are dey talkin about? are u talkn bout me and every1 else in d room? we all know d answer

u know what really grinds my gears? diet coke. wots d point of it? it doesnt resemble coke in any way except d colour

u know what really grinds my gears? lads who hang out wit all d girls. every1 knows 1 he poisons all ur friends against u 2get in their good books real dishonest thing 2do

u know what really grinds my gears? when u get a dip with food. its never enough for all d food. bigger dips please!

u know what really grinds my gears? having 2pay 4 ketchup il go without it thank u skinflints

u know what really grinds my gears? when u rent a dvd and its scratched and jumps and in some cases doesnt even work. u cant complain cause u know d shop thinks its ur fault