I have a dog & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my bits and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??

Some twat says if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are around 200 or so films on this list. Copy this list and post it to your blog. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Never-ending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 7

( ) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(X) Saw
(X) Saw II
(x) White Noise
(X) White Oleanders
(X) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 16

(x) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(X) Scary Movie 3
(X) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Pie The Wedding
(X) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 27

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 33

(X) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(X) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(X) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(X) White Chicks
(X) Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(X) Robots
Total so far: 43

(X) Dodge ball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
( )Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(X) Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
(x) Kingpin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) King Kong
Total so far: 51

(X) A Cinderella Story
(x) the Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(X) Final Destination 2
(X) Final Destination 3
(X) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(X) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving Christmas
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 62

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (The person who wrote this is an idiot, I'm sad enough to know it's called "Harold and Kumar get the Munchies")
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hell boy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(X)The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 69

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(X) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
(X) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( X) Coach Carter
(X) The Grudge
(x) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 81

(X) Bad Boys
(X) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
(X) Predator II
(X) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 92

(X) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(X) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
(X) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(X) Rush Hour
(X) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 98

( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (soooooo bloody funny)
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz ( I have to admit I love this film it's a classic)..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />

(x) Return to Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) big Trouble in Little ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" />China
(X) the Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 108


(x)Fantastic Four 1

(x) Fantastic Four 2

(x) Fanta

Beware of the following new computer viruses
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ADAM AND EVE VIRUS - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

AIRBAG VIRUS - Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

ALZHEIMER'S VIRUS - It makes your computer forget where it put your files.

CHILD VIRUS - It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.

Couch Potato Virus - Just sits there, eating chips all day.

DISNEY VIRUS - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Elvis Virus - Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Jiminy Cricket Virus - Changes your Zip disk into a Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah disk.

Mom Virus - Places a phone call to your mother every time you click on an adult website.

NIKE VIRUS - Just does it

POPE JOHN PAUL VIRUS - Deletes all your dirty files and blesses the rest.

STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

X-FILES VIRUS - All your icons start shape-shifting.