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love ? please ? :P

12/12/10 | me too! | Reply

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  • Male, 20, Luv 336
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  • Last active: 11/15/11
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Chuck Norris didnt hit puberty , he roundhouse kicked it in the face .
Me, Myself, and I
Jack Moriarty


3rd year almost :L


peoples dere are legends

Dont Click

Bye Bye !!

What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze.

Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit.

Don't you worry your pretty stripped head we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed.

And they we're gonna find our bestfriend Doug and then we're gonna give him a bestfriend hug.

Doug, Doug, Oh, Doug Douggie Douggie Doug Doug.

But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweekers, well then we're shit out of luck
Artic Monkeys , Electric Six , Kings Of Leon , We Are Scientists , Dirty Pretty Things , The Police , Tenacious D , ACDC nd loads more Jason Derulo , Lil Wayne , Eminem , David Guetta , Mumford And Sons , Afroman , Tiny Tempah
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Gaelic , Soccer , Running , loadsa other stuff
Happiest When
Wit Friends , Playin Sport , Doin Music

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  • Chuck Norris Jokes 2

    Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

    Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

    Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

    Chuck Norris can speak braille.

    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

    Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

    Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

    On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

    Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

    Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

    If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

    Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

    If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

    Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

    Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

    Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

    Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

    Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

    Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

    If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

    Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

    Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

    Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.


    0 Comments 170 weeks

  • chat up lines

    Chat up lines

    1. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

    2. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

    3. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.

    4. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

    5. [Look at her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":]

    Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if

    you're the right size.

    6. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against


    7. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?

    8. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

    9. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.

    10. [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

    11. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or


    12. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

    13. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

    14. Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

    15. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

    16. Do you want to see something swell?

    17. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.

    18. I'd look good on you.

    19. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?

    20. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with

    these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

    21. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off


    22. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

    23. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

    24. HI! Can I buy you a car?

    25. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?.

    26. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about

    the first thing that pops up?

    27. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets

    there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."

    28. Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?

    29. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

    30. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [Slap] HEY! What's wrong,

    don't you like pizza?

    31. Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

    32. I am a magical being, take off your bra.

    33. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

    34. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

    35. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

    36. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?

    37. That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.

    38. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels


    39. I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.

    40. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

    41. NOW, BITCH!

    42. Say, did we go to different schools together?

    43. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with

    your clothes on?

    44. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the

    sky and put them in your eyes.

    45. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of


    46. I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile

    if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their


    47. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

    48. What do you like for breakfast?

    49. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?

    50. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and

    tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your

    mother and thank her.

    51. Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?

    52. If I followed you home, would you keep me?

    53. Wanna fuck like bunnies?

    54. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?

    55. Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?

    56. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

    57. Your place or mine?

    58. Are you lost ma'am? Beca

    0 Comments 174 weeks

  • Chuck Norris Jokes

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

    Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

    Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

    Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

    Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.

    When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

    Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

    When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

    Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.


    1 Comment 221 weeks

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4. Do You Like Cheese?
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5. Can You Sing Your National Anthem?

6. Do You Know Who King Billy Is?
hu ?

7. Do You Love Your Best Friend?
sure ha

8. Are You Friends With Pat Magroin?
me him nd lik mcgee r tight

9. What Is Your Favourite Colour?

10. How Many People Have You Kissed?
uh dunno like loads ???

11. What Is Your Best Friends Name?
i have a lot

12. Would You Ever Make Out With Them?
no ha

13. Do You Think You Are A Nice Person?
maybe ?

14. Do You Like Your Bebo Page?

15. Do You Like Pancakes?

16. Who Is Your Favourite Band/Singer?

17. Have You Ever Criminally Damaged Anything?
maybe ?? ;o

18. Can You Drive?

19. If You Were To Choose Between Having A Relationship With The Same Sex Or Eating Worms, Which One?
worms !!!

20. If You Could Have Any Car In The World, What Would It Be?
fiat puntooo haa

21. Are You A Virgin?
4 now haa

22. Do You Want Someone You Can't Have?

23. If You Had A Million Pounds What  Would You Spend It On?

24. Do You Love Anyone?
possibly !

25. What's Their Name?
fireman sam

26. Do You Like Twilight?
no its gay

27. Did You Like This Survey?

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Guns N' Roses is an American hardrock band, formed in Los Angeles, California in 1985. The band, led by frontman and co-founder Axl Rose, has gone through numerous line-up changes and controversy since its formation. Guns N' Roses have released five studio albums, two EPs, one live album, and three music video DVDs within its career. The band is currently working on the infamous album Chinese Democracy, which has been in production for over a decade.


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What mock the week reglar are you

russle howard

quite funny

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1. What DVD is in your DVD player right now?
the A-Team

2. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
dus a bear shit in the woods ? YES!

3. Do you look more like your mum or your dad?

4. Is that your natural hair color?

5. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
3 ha

6. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?

7. Do you have a crush on anyone?
possibly ?

8. Do you have any weird phobias?

9. Can you lick your elbow?
no :L

10. If you jumped out your bedroom window right now, how injured would you get?
not at all

11. If you woke up as the opposite sex, what’s the 1st thing you would do?
check myself out

12. Are you addicted to anything?
making sex jokes

13. Do you like sneezing, or do you hate that feeling?
thats just a fucked up question !

14. What is your favourite room in your house?
bedroom ;) haa

15. What was the last thing you had to drink?

16. Do fish make good pets?
dunno no

17. Would you rather have a pet Ostrich or a pet Sheep?

18. Has an animal ever attacked you?

19. What kind of mobile phone do you own?
touchscreen samsung

20. Whats the biggest amount of mobile phone credit/phone bill you've had in a month?
45 euro

21. Who’s car were you last in that wasn’t family?
colms dadsw

22. Are they a good driver in your opinion?

23. When’ s the last time you showered
this mornin

24. If you didnt shower for 3 days do you think you would smell?

25. Do you sleep in a single or double bed?
single sumtimes ;P

26. Do you make your bed daily?
ye ?

27. How many pillows do you sleep with?

28. Where’d you get the top you’re wearing?

29. How many windows/tabs do you have open on your computer right now?

30. Do you ever crack your knuckles/fingers?
yes all the time

31. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
last nite

32. Have you ever cut your own hair?

33. Do you find piercings attractive?

34. Would you rather be able to fly for a day or be invisible for a day?

35. Do you personally know the people on your top friends list?

36. Where does number one live?

37. Would you date them?

38. What do you think of weddings?
um theyre weddingful

39. What color of socks do you have on?

40. Do you have any interesting bruises or scars?

41. How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
like 5 minutes

42. Have you bought anything today?
ye monster nd subway

43. Ever dated someone you didn't find attractive in the least?

44. In your opinion, what is the best lollipop flavour?
sex flavour !

45. Morning or night person? Or Afternoon?

46. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
all the time

47. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever licked?
well .............................................................................

48. How many pics of just you do you have?
like 4

49. What fast food restaurant do you think has the Best French Fries?

50. Would you prefer Irn Bru or Vimpto?
never had either

51. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
sexy haa

52. Have you ever had a “kick me” sign on your back without realizing it?

53. Lap top or pc?
lap top

54. What color is your keyboard?

55. Have you ever accidentally stood on a plug with your bare feet?
ye hurts

56. Have you ever sat down in a chair but fell to the floor, only to find that someone pulled out your chair on purpose?
ye but did it bak !

57. Do things like that still amuse you when they happen to other people?
ye sumtimes

58. Did you know that twinkle twinkle little star and the alphabet have the same rhyme?

59. Did you just sing them to make sure?
no ha ha

60. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots?
stripes ha

61. If you had to, would you rather eat maggots or worms?

62. Have you ever seen a sunflower in real life before?

63. Did you ever beg your parents for a pony?
all the time :P no

64. Have your Parents ever washed your mouth out with Soap ?
no haa

65. Do you find Russell Brand funny or irritating?

66. Do you ever pop other people’s bubbles they blow with their gum ?
no thats just weird

67. What item that needs batteries is nearest to you?
tv remote

68. Did you ever yell so loud that you lost your voice for a few days ?

69. Have you ever taken a picture of your eye?
no ha

70. Do you actually believe that Alaska is covered in snow?
maybe ha

71. Do you prefer peppermint or spearmint?

72. What is the most amount of money you would spend on a pillow?
7 euro

73. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

74. How many tv's in your house?

75. Type your name using only your elbow...


Are you hoping this quiz finishes soon?

ye ha

77. Are you ever purposely irritating?

78. If you were another person would you be friends with you?

79. Do you still have your tonsils and your appendix?

80. Favourite sports to watch?

81. Can you play Poker?
ye i kick ass

82. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?

83. Have you ever touched an Elephant?

84. Have you had a Birthday so far this year?

85. Do you like to have ice in your drinks?

86. Have you ever used a metal detector to look for treasure?
no ha

87. Do you prefer Lemons or Limes?

88. Do you prefer trampolines or bouncy castles?

89. Have you ever crawled through a window?

90. Did your parents spoil you as a child?

91. Look behind you, what do you see?

92. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
nope ha

93. Do you prefer beef, pork, or lamb?

94. Are you an aunt/uncle?
not yet ha

95. Do you know all the words to your national anthem?

96. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
fetish ha

97. Do you still watch kiddie films and tv shows?

98. If you were walkin down the street and someone sprayed you with water what would you do?
spray them with a different liquid ha

99. Have you ever broken a bone?
back and ribs !

100. How many times have you moved house?

101. If you could make someone disappear who would it be?

102. Curtains or blinds?

103. Can you cook a Sunday Roast?
no ha

104. How long has it took you to complete this Quiz?
like 5 minutes

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My result is: Unique Genius God

You have the allegiance of many cultish followers worldwide with your genre-bending skills of jazz, blues, rock, metal, and funk. Your audience is most likely guitar players and likes you for your special talent and unique style that is totally different from others. Your fans are most likely fans of Jeff Beck, Joe Satriani, John Mclaughlin, and Tom Morello. Your choice of weapon is most likely a guitar that can create a perfectly personal sound. You might lack the popularity or commercial success of others, but you are no doubt the most special guitarist and a master of your own universe.
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